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Question: Where to start with social functions

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are completely new to this, and would like to begin by visiting a social function or event, just to get an idea of what things were like and maybe participate if we are both comfortable with it. What would be the best way for us to find that?

Thank you!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You can opt to meet at a website event or a house party. In these types of venues, one is among like-minded company and can feel free to be more flirtatious, forward, and less inhibited in conversational topics than at a regular establishment. Unlike dinner, if you don’t feel that you click with the other person(s) very well, you can excuse yourself from the party while letting them know how nice it was to meet them. Perhaps the best way to avoid any awkwardness is to let others know that you will happen to be at one of these events, and if they would like to meet or have a drink, that you would be more than willing to take that opportunity. This is a great way to accomplish your meeting, while leaving yourself an ‘out’ if it’s not a match. You have placed yourself under no obligation to stay with them for the duration of the night, and you still have the opportunity to meet. You are not going as their date, nor they as yours. If you do decide to wander off, you still have plenty of other prospects from which to choose.
This kind of meeting also leaves open the possibility of pairing up for the night if you do indeed find that they make fantastic company. The choices are ameliorated and awkwardness is virtually eliminated.

Perhaps the one venue that frightens many newbies is a swing club. Whether you are on a website, or you choose to visit a swingers’ establishment to seek a match, this is a surprisingly pressure-free atmosphere to do so.

Many people who have not been to one have misconceptions. They think of visions of orgies when walking in, and people trying to grope all over them. Swing clubs, when you enter, look surprisingly like regular nightclubs. If you choose to scout out a swing club for the first time, have in mind what you would like to accomplish beforehand. However, don’t be too disappointed if your aspirations aren’t met. The best goal is to go in with no aspirations except for having a great time with your partner. Then, you’re guaranteed to meet your own expectations. Also, don’t be fooled by illusions of grandeur that every member in the club will look like a Perfect 10. Most clubbers are just your average everyday folk there to let loose. You might find a handful of very attractive people, but it won’t be the majority.
You’ll feel quite welcomed and comfortable as soon as you enter, and most clubs will give a friendly tour of the grounds. You'll witness drinking, dancing, conversation and flirting. The attire can range from regular nightclub clothes to something extremely risqué. The only difference here is that if a lady wants to get naked on the dance floor, she usually can. If it's a more liberal club, you may occasionally see some light sexual play as the night progresses. As for the hardcore, this usually takes place in special rooms away from the main area for members who choose to play on premise. There are private rooms and public rooms (usually) and if you want to explore a little more, go watch in a public room, or go have your own fun in a private room. Swing clubs aren't like regular night clubs because people tend to be much more polite, unlike regular clubs, which tend to meat-markets. The unsaid rule of a swing club is that you must ask first, ‘no’ means no and that the ladies control the action. This is almost always respected and you’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone who steps over this line. If you are a couple, try to go on a ‘couples-only’ night if you aren’t seeking a single male. Nights that aren’t directly designated as couples nights tend to attract many single males, who spend their time vying for the females’ attention. This can be uncomfortable for first-timers and experienced swingers alike if they aren’t into single males. If single males are on your menu, a Friday night at a swing club is going to be your best bet, since there will be plenty from which to choose. If you are there seeking single female, chances are usually slim. Many single ladies will not venture into a swing club on their own, and prefer to bring dates. If you are seeking a single female for fun, going to a swing club for your search will almost never be fruitful.

If you're seeking a venue in your area, I suggest contacting a profile that seems established and asking for advice on where to go.

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