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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
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Question: Having a hard time hooking up

Dear Lounge Advice,im having a hard time hooking up wiyh people help me out



Dear (Anonymous),

If you have a photo editing program, here's what I would do:
Take that 2nd photo in your regular album (you in the pool) and cover up just your chest since frontal nudity is not allowed in the main slot. It's a beautiful photo and would serve you well as your primary picture.
Obviously, photos are usually the first thing that others will consider when seeking a match. However, a comprehensive quality profile also includes insights on what you are like, what you are seeking, your preferences and other pertinent information that is important when members make the choice to contact or reply to you.
Right now, your profile is lacking this aspect.
If you choose to make your profile concise and nondescript, you offer little to your prospects. A poorly written profile looks like this:

We are a fun-loving couple seeking sexy fun-loving partners for fun in and out of the bedroom. Must be fit, drug and disease free and share similar interests.

Naturally, we all have something specific in mind when choosing our mates. So, why not be specific when composing your text? Think of the type of profile you would respond to, and base your own on this. Generic text, such as the example illustrated above, will only serve to attract anyone and everyone to your profile, especially those you didnít want to attract in the first place. However, if it is your preference to release your information upon further interaction, that's fine.
There should be something of substance in your profile, though, and not just one-liners. Give people a general feeling as to who you are, what you want and donít want, your play preferences, and your boundaries. Anything beyond that is up to you to indulge. The more specific the profile is, the more likely you are going to find exactly what you seek. Donít be a profile pooper! Another important quality in a profile is grammar and spelling. See, and you thought high school English was a waste of your time! Now is your chance to use it and impress your readers. If you are going to take the time to compose a quality profile, your conventions play a key role.
If you're unsure of how to go about this, do some research and see what other couples write.
Heck, go to the RENEGADECOUPLE profile and check ours out. We wrote a novel, and you certainly don't have to write that much. The reason I'm pointing you toward our couple account is because we get a good deal of mail just based on our profile alone because we packed it with our personality.
Once you've been doing this for a while and you know pretty much exactly what you want and don't want, you will have created a complete dissertation (similar to our profile). That's great! It's good that you know what you want. This is what YOU want, and you have every right to ask for what you want or do not want. Do not let people tell you that your preferences are wrong. That's why they are YOUR preferences. Many bios have evolved greatly simply from experience. You may fine tune it so much that you actually end up getting mail from exactly those you want to contact you, for the most part. There's nothing you can do about people who don't even bother reading the profile. If you like what you wrote, and it works, then youíve achieved success in one of the most important factors in online dating. Be up front and honest, since honesty is the best way to go. Yes, you may receive mail from people saying that you expect too much, or that they are offended, or that you have no right to ask for what you ask. Oh well. If someone takes offense to anotherís profile, it only reflects upon the person who is offended. We must all learn to respect everyone's preferences, because we would want the same. If we don't like what someone has to say, we just move on until we find one that we like. Pride yourself on being honest, and ignore the naysayers.

One other note- Evaluate how you are contacting people. Even though you have put much time and effort into attracting people to your profile, this is no time to just sit back and expect them to come to you. There are members on the site who do nothing but wait for others to contact the, which sometimes isnít very fruitful. Two negatives donít make a positive in this case. Be proactive and initiate contact yourself!
It matters not whether the male or the female makes does the contacting. If you are a couple, you can both sit down and have a say in the e-mails you send out. Usually, it is recommended that the more outgoing of the couple initiates the contact, since the enthusiasm will show through in the letters. If one half of the couple is doing the contacting, they should first make sure that their other half approves of those with whom they are initiating dialogue. Swinging is an endeavor which requires both partners to play an active role in the decision-making and choice of playmates. This will come across to others and will garner you more success.
No cheesy one-liners- When you initiate contact with a member, it doesnít have to be a long involved letter. Many websites offer a feature that allows you to create a standard message to send others so you donít have to type out a greeting every time you e-mail somebody. Although this is the easy way to introduce yourself to somebody, it may not be the best. Receiving a Ďcannedí message isnít very personal, and may serve to turn others off. If you received a standard letter from someone that you know everyone else gets, would you feel very special? Probably not. In order for you to get noticed, try sending a short personal letter to those you would like as your potential playmates. The best kind of introductory e-mail to receive is one that indicates that not only did they look at your pictures, but that they also read your profile. The letter will note something that stood out in the profile, and make a point of complimenting both the pictures and a section of the text. People can often tell whether you have read their profile or not. When a member plainly states in the profile that they are only searching single females, and a couple contacts them about the possibility of swapping, itís quite obvious that the profile was ignored and the pictures were the only source of interest.

Hopefully, this will help. If you need me to go deeper into the dynamics of your connections, please write back :)
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