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Question: Dealing with a breakup and others talking about it

Dear Lounge Advice,

I was just wondering if you have any tips for dealing with a break up while we both decided to stay on the lounge? I'm solid. He's solid. But I would be lying if I said I can see that things are going to bother me down the road. Situations like seeing him at parties that I attend and hearing about issues from other members. As it is lots of members of LL have come to me with concerns about his behavior and I'm trying to stay as neutral as possible.

The waters are a bit timultuous and I've recently blocked him from my profile and suggested he block me ... which he did. But as you know the LL circles can be small.

I want to avoid emotional pain from him but also do not want to lose all my connections and friends on the lounge. I am a self proclaimed poser ... at least until things get easier. But I want to keep my connections!

Have any practical tips on avoiding run ins, gossiping and hearing stuff that is just plain painful?

Thanks,

LLPoser

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I think the ideas you've already implemented are great. You can't always avoid running into each other at parties, but check the party listings if they're available and try to partake in another fun arena for that night if you can't both handle seeing each other at events. The awkwardness might be enough to squash your fun for the evening.
Keep your connections, but I have a strong point to make here.
You need to be very forward with your mutual acquaintances and tell them that you do NOT want to discuss him or anything surrounding the breakup at all. Let them know that any discussion of this will just make it harder on you and you are trying to move forward with dignity and without drama.
Tell them if they've heard gossip, to keep it to themselves. You don't want to hear it.
If you make it readily apparent that this can be hurtful to you, they will probably do their best to keep their lips sealed. Let people know that if you do choose to talk about it in the future, that YOU will choose to broach the subject when you're ready. Yes, they will still talk amongst themselves, but that's okay. That's inevitable and you can't worry about something you can't control. You *can* control what they say in your presence though.
If someone insists on bringing painful things up even after you've expressed that you wish not to hear it- get rid of that acquaintance.
I've been in this exact situation before. It was a VERY public breakup because he and I were owners of a competing LL site. Everyone was in my business and I had to just put my foot down. I asked people to leave the issue alone. If they wished to be a friend to me still, we could find other common ground until I was comfortable enough to talk about it. Some people disappeared into oblivion because it was obvious why they wished to keep a connection with me. The neat thing about it though, is that I found out who my true friends were.
You will too :) Be strong, be adament, and go forward with life. Time will lessen what you are feeling- I promise you this.
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