Home   New Mail!  Contacts  Who's Online  Friends  Search  Advice  Forum  Blogs  Groups  Mall  Chat  My Account  Clubs  Travel  Login  
  6 members in chat24 in bOOty Call
Lifestyle Sexual Advice
Does this make me a cuckold?
We have tried Bi sites and have not had any luck.
more sexual advice advice
Lifestyle Etiquette
Perhaps I just want to know your opinion and if you agree that their behavior was rude?
I have a single male friend that I play with
more etiquette advice
Relationship Advice
Does the lifestyle break up couples?
How do I reel him back in or can I?
more relationship advice
Friendships, Clubs & More...
Any thoughts? Any resources, swinger sites, clubs, well-known
What can a SM do in the crazy world of LA swing?
more friendship advice
Question: Ex-husband is displaying frightening behaviors. Should I alert others?

Dear Lounge Advice,

I really need some level headed advice. I was part of a couple for a few years on LL. We struggled a lot. The bottom line is that my husband was always cheating on me. Even when we were on the lounge, he was contacting other LLers and lying to them; telling them I was frigid or that I was fine with separate play. Usually they told him to go to hell. I've found out over the passed year that he has also been dating on vanilla sites. I have been contacted by some of the women after I tapped into one of his accounts and put my contact info on it. I know I know.

I have become very aware that my ex is a sexual predator. He has said things like that the only reason women on LL get laid is because we are promiscuous and that hot women wouldn't be on LL. He said we were all "smugly" and if he wanted a hot woman, he wouldn't look on LL. He has lied to many single females on LL. I know this because he was living here while he was writing them. He had a single profile up.

In the passed couple of weeks he has become physically abusive to me and I have had to call the police. He has scared the young children that I make my living watching. He has terrorized our little boy. I found out from a girl on a vanilla site that he was harrassing her and she referred to him as a predator.

I really think he is a sexual predator. He scares the crap out of me.

Do I have any responsibility to let others know what is going on? Other than filing for a restraining order and staying clear of him ... should I tell my friends what is going on?

This is supposed to be a drama free environment but I feel so bad knowing he is flirting with them online and will probably date them. And that all along he talks so badly about LL members and puts them down.

My head says mind my own business and move on but my heart and spirit say that even if it means I'll get kicked off LL, I should expose his predator abusive behavior so someone else won't get used. I love the people on LL.



Dear (Anonymous),

I feel that if you call someone a friend, you have the responsibility to alert them to any potential dangers they may face. If they deem you to be a friend, they will take such warnings to heart and to mind. They may choose not to heed your words of caution, but you will know that you tried to help.
Think of it this way- If this man were to impact any of your friends negatively, what would happen if they found out that you knew these things about him?
How would YOU feel if you unwittingly placed yourself in harm's way, but someone close to you could have helped to prevent it if only they had cared enough to warn you?
Your friends should also be given the courtesy of knowing this information for the sole fact that if you or your child get hurt, they will know pertinant information. Others need to be aware of this situation so they will not be in the dark if something happens.
Perhaps the following analogy will help:
Like I tell my kids, tattling is done to get someone else in trouble. It is not an altruistic act.
*Telling* should occur if someone might get hurt or is hurting others with their actions.
If you were to release this information just to see him impacted negatively, I would advise against it and tell you to go on with your life and tend to your own business.
If you truly feel that someone may get hurt, TELL.
Click here to view Lounge Advice archives
100's of answers to your lifestyle questions can be found here!