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Question: No more lifestyle- My wife only wants MMF or solo dates with other men now

Dear Lounge Advice,

After a number of years in the lifestyle, my wife has announced she never liked group sex and we won't be doing it anymore with couples or women. She will only have solo dates with other guys and maybe threesomes with me and another guy.

Put simply I am crushed. I love her and want to work with her and keep her happy. However, I absolutely love group sex and I love doing it with her most of all together.

I made clear to her when we met that this swinging was something I'd always be very very interested in doing and was looking for a partner in it and we did it together and I thought enjoyed it. I'm feeling like I was lied to so that I'd marry her. Its hardly the only thing we enjoy together and I love her dearly but I think I may go crazy not being able to. I already find myself torturing myself for being so stupid to have believed she was enjoying herself or for getting married at all.

How does a guy who absolutely does not want to give up the lifestyle handle it when his wife decides to quit?



Dear (Anonymous),

This leaves you with a couple of very obvious options, and I'm sure you're already well aware of this. So, I will state teh obvious.

You can be honest with her about your feelings and put forth an ultimatum. She can either choose to stay in the lifestyle full-force as a compromise, or she can stick to her guns.

You can choose to live with the terms and stay married.
Or you can leave the marriage and proceed as you wish.

The tough decision you have to make is this:
Which is the MOST important thing to you; what can't you live without?
The lifestyle, or her.
Are you willing to compromise? If not, you need to decide on one or the other. Don't drag out your decision for too long, because it will only hurt both of you.
Regardless of how you proceed, you need to be very up front with her and let her know exactly how you feel.
Just from the details you've provided me with and not knowing her side of this, here's what I'm seeing- She doesn't approve of the lifestyle anymore, but still wants to have sex with other men. That doesn't make much sense to me and it seems as if she's taking away your fun, but still wishing to have her own fun. It doesn't sound fair. Make sure you make her aware of this rather hypocritical detail and ask her to justify why she feels this is okay.
Is she's not into the lifestyle anymore and you will not get to partake in the fun, then in all fairness, she shouldn't have different terms for herself.
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