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Question: In love with the woman we're playing with

Dear Lounge Advice,
We have another couple that we play with regularly. I have not told anybody this, including my wife, but I am secretly in love with the other woman. You must understand something vitaly important. I love my wife and without a doubt will never jepardize our marriage and family. I have zero desire to ever have anything more that we have with this other couple and this woman. I enjoy things how they are, and I would end it in a minute if I thougt it was a risk to my relationship with my wife.
Here are the questions. Is it ok to have these feelings in a swinger relationship? Is it unusual? Is this something that should at all times indicate the need to end the relationship? If I keep it to myself will it be ok to continue enjoying the relationship?
I realize this is very un-guy like, men are supposed to be just about the here and now physical, but I am satistied by the emotional connection we make. It's just that if this is one of those absolute taboos, I'll end it without saying why, but if it's not really that unusual I'll enjoy it and keep my feelings a wonderful secret.



Dear (Anonymous),

Okay, I'm probably going to polarize my readers with my answer, but here goes:

If you're in love with this woman, but you are insistent that nothing will break your marital bond or come between you and your wife's relationship, here's how I feel about this.
I'm not going to say that it's okay to be in love with someone else when you're in a committed relationship and swinging. It may not be the healthiest thing.
However, if you are truly confident and 100% sure that this will not affect your marriage, I feel that if you can reign in these emotions and not allow it to hurt what you have, it's not terrible that you're feeling this.
You're going to have to exert some enormous self-control if you are to continue pursuing the swinging with this other couple.
For one you'll have to make sure that these feelings do not become so apparent that your wife or the other husband can perceive them. You're already harboring a rather significant secret that you will need to live with.
Remember, you ARE married, as is she. Doing anything beyond just harboring these feelings would be innappopriate. Just having the feelings may be deemed inappopriate, but as we all know very well, feelings happen and sometimes cannot be stopped.
If you feel that you can keep this from affecting your feeling for your wife and you can continue seeing this woman without allowing the emotions to cloud your vision, then it is your decision to keep going.
However, if you feel at any time that this could jeopardize the already wonderful things you have in life, then stop and reevaluate your involvement.
Just always keep in mind- Your primary love is sacred between you and your wife. If anything threatens to lesson this or come between you both, it must be controlled.
Can you do this? Is your relationship with your wife and your professed love for her enough to stand up to this?
Step back from this situation and think about it VERY carefully. You have a lot to risk here.
It is your decision to make. Just remember everyone who can potentially be impacted by this.
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