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Question: How can I ask her about taking an aids test without demeaning her?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are a bi-fem, straight male couple that is flying a close girlfriend in for some sexual and friendship pleasures. We have been friends for 25 years and discuss the lifestyle often. My husband and I are carefull,picky and clean. She plays around a bit more with guys than what I feel comfortable and I don't think she uses protection. How can I ask her about taking an aids test without demeaning her? We are willing to take one so she will feel o.k.also, but it is very awkward bringing it up. I will do it without fail because it isn't worth the risk since I am sure we both will be enjoying unprotected sex, but I was just wondering if you had previous experience with this or just any good advice.
Thank so much!
Floridian with questions



Dear (Anonymous),

The way we see it you have three choices here... 1) Go thru an awkward experience with this friend 2) Only have protected sex with her
3) Play Russian Rulette

If you agree that number 1 is the best course of action, here is a suggestion on how to handle it (it may contain a very little white lie which will certainly not hurt her or your relationship in any way)

First of all... go ahead and get yourselves tested against all STD's ... not just aids. There is nothing stronger than setting an example.
Scan each copy of the results.

Secondly... send her an email and tell her that you had an interesting experience with another couple/woman that you met. Tell her that she/they had an absolute rule that they would not have any relations with anyone without being shown SDC test results.

Tell her that although it is a very uncomfortable subject to discuss with anyone, no less close friends of many years, but at the risk of making someone feel akward....that the two of you decided that your health and safety is more important than anything else... and have decided to adobt the same rule for yourselves.

Tell her that as proof, attached are the copies of your results.

Then just say that you guys discussed your relations with her and it would be rediculous to make exceptions to the rule for anyone... including the people closest to you...

Give her an out and say that if for some reason in the world she does not wish to get tested, then its absolutely fine with you guys.. but that you would have to have protected sex only.

And let her respond. If anyone takes something like that personally... we would be concerned about having unprotected relations with them.

Anyway... 3rd party stories always work the best... and leading by example also shows good faith.

Let us know how it turns out...

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