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Question: Profile personality for single males- make yourself stand out!

Dear Lounge Advice,

How can I make my profile stick out from the rest of the other single men on this site? I have a few photos and looking to get some more. Ive met a few couples and have been certified. I just would like my answers to not sound like every other guy on here.



Dear (Anonymous),

Ready to read? I'm posting something that I have written to help single males in general. It addresses your question, plus a bit more.

Your pictures should reflect who you are. If you post multiple photos of your crotch, or display the myriad angles of your erection, you will crash and burn at the outset. Not only is this vulgar, but it certainly wonít get you recognized when you meet someone out on a date, even if you walk around naked with an erection. Be tasteful. Post full body shots, face shots and candid everyday shots of yourself. Professional photos are always a plus as well. You can certainly opt to showcase your equipment, but keep those pictures to a bare minimum and keep them out of your main picture slot. Preferably, if the website includes a private photo album, they should be placed there and accessed by members upon request. Your first photo should be the best representation of yourself. A classy clothed photo can communicate confidence. A candid photo of you at home, playing with your pets, or out with friends showcases your personality. A professional headshot or a formally attired full body photo exudes a sense of sophistication. Now, think of what a close up erection photo conveys. Hopefully, this point is lucid enough.
Your profile should attest to your character, personality and attitude. Hereís a non-example of a single maleís profile:

Iím a single looking for fun. Iím an in shape professional with brown hair and brown eyes. I like to go out and meet people and have fun. I love sex and pleasing the ladies. I am searching for a fun attractive female or a couple who likes to have a good time.

Not only is this profile short and non-descript, but it could be a description of the majority of the population. This gives no insight to the author of the profile and has nothing to distinguish it from the thousands of other bios. The information provided is a statement of the obvious. Naturally, if youíre a single male, youíre on a swingerís site looking for fun and seeking to meet people. A description of appearance shouldnít be necessary if you have included a nice array of photos showcasing your looks.
Every man enjoys sex, and most enjoy pleasing women, so that was another statement of the obvious. As for the last sentence, well, what else would someone be searching for? I certainly wouldnít expect any man to indicate that he is searching for an ugly partner or couple to show him the worst time of his life.
Not one thing in this profile does anything to further this manís cause. Itís too general and does not show an inkling of personality. Hereís an example of a more comprehensive and detailed singleís profile:

Take a look at my pictures to get a general idea of my appearance. A healthy lifestyle is important to me and a personís habits say a lot. I am financial manager with a wild side. Since my job doesnít bring me the greatest thrills life has to offer, I make up for it in other ways. I have a penchant for trying all things adrenaline related, so roller coasters, sky-diving and white water rafting are a perfect fix. These things arenít too shabby for keeping up the physical appearance either! Even though I love to partake in the aforementioned thrills, quiet time and solitude are also a must. Reading is a passion, and I love just about every genre, from sci-fi to historic fiction. Education doesnít stop when a person graduates from college. I couldnít fathom not learning new things from my readings every day. Iím a pretty multi-faceted guy. Why am I here? Iím not here with a primary focus on Ďgetting laidí. Mostly, the people in the lifestyle are just more fun than friends that are made in the vanilla arena. I just love to be around people who donít harbor inhibitions and I enjoy the candid nature of others who can talk about anything and everything without fear of reprisal. Even if I never get the chance to be a part of the sexual side of this lifestyle, I would be perfectly happy just having the company. Iím open to joining ladies or couples for intimate encounters, but I certainly donít expect it. Itís a known fact that single males have earned a slight reputation for being pushy, and I do not intend to further that reputation. You can always expect nothing less than respectful behavior from me. Iím always open to chatting on IM, and a no-pressure night out of your choosing.

This profile delves deeper into the authorís personality. This isnít a blanket essay that could be applied to the majority of the male population. The latter profile conveys a sense of personality and depth. Mind you, itís not a life story that someone will be seeking when combing through single males, just a thoughtful overview of a more Ďdimensionalí person with whom they can enjoy themselves.
Creating the profile is just the tip of the iceberg. Singles must conduct themselves with more care than perhaps a couple contacting another couple. Before entailing the proper method of communication, letís give a few examples of what many experienced couples have been barraged with. These examples are very close to some I myself have received over the years.

HI, I saw your profile and think youíre hot! Letís get together sometime soon and Iíll show you my awesome oral skills.

Hi there. I have a huge cock that Iím sure you would enjoy very much. My oral skills are also the best! Hit me back and letís see when we can make a date.

Your wife has great tits. Iíd love to show her a great time. When can we get together and fuck?

Hey, Iím new in town. When can I have your wife break me in?

Again, it should be noted that the aforementioned examples are not fabrications. They are true to life examples of the crude behavior displayed by so many single men toward couples on swingerís sites. The first two examples do not even acknowledge that he is even writing to a couple. Itís as if the male half of the couple doesnít even exist to the single male author of the e-mail. Even though the latter examples do acknowledge the husband, they are no more refined than the former. Every example included here not only shows enormous disrespect to the man, but to the woman as well. The language is crass, the tone is crude and communicates to the receiver that the sender is no higher than a dog in heat, looking to mount the first thing he encounters. This type of unrefined male will go nowhere in the lifestyle and most likely wonder why all the couples he contacts either donít respond, or turn him down with a flurry of curses. He will wonder, ďWhat the hell is the problem with these people? Theyíre here for sex and when I offer it, they act like Iím a pervert!Ē Many a man has written asking for advice on why he is so ill-received when he offers couples the thing they so Ďdesperatelyí want.
More than likely, a single male will not be likely to read the text in the profile. He goes straight to the pictures of the female and then pounces. Of the examples outlined above, chances are, at least three out of four of the profiles he contacted say NO SINGLE MALES prominently in the text.

Singles should remember that when dealing with a couple, that there are TWO people that comprise a couple. If you look like a Calvin Klein model, you will still get nowhere without the proper respect. In any circumstance, if you're dealing with a couple, the male half can simply Ďlikeí a single girl in order to bring her into their bed, - he has to LOVE a single guy in order to invite him into bed with his wife.
When e-mailing couples, first do the courteous thing and check the text of their profile. If it state Ďno single malesí, you are to not to contact them unless it is totally unrelated to lifestyle matters. Even if the first line in the profile text says that the couples is seeking single males, it is important not to stop there. What if you are an older white male and further down in the text, the couple outlines that they are seeking a well-hung young black stud? Well, if you end up e-mailing them, stating that you have read their profile and are interested in joining, youíll only make yourself look like a fool. If you are going to devote yourself to becoming a prominent and desired single male, you must go the distance in order to impress your targets. The most respectful thing when contacting a couple is to approach the husband first and secure his blessings before going any further. This holds true for encountering couples at parties too. Men donít have to look like models in order to break into the couplesí scene. The only Ďmodelsí that will truly get them far are model manners and etiquette.
The best way to proceed to is be honest, respectful and unassuming. If you get onto a site and expect nothing but threesomes every weekend, youíll find yourself sorely disappointed. The same goes for attending functions. Your expectations can sometimes determine your actions. If your expectations are too unrealistic, your actions will sometimes betray your desires and manifest in an unsavory manner. Your actions can be the determining factor for your success. The best way to approach the lifestyle is by not expecting anything at all. The gentlemen who get onto a website or go to a function expecting only to have a good time and meet new friends will give off a more positive vibe. Some of the most popular men on swingersí sites are merely there participating in the forums or chat, and donít even contact anyone. Get involved in the chat room and the forums and remember to mind your manners. The more you advertise yourself, and show everyone that you're a gentleman, they more likely you are to get approached. Singles, and couple for that matter, allow themselves to be noticed via their personality, wit and no-pressure attitudes. It is usually these kinds of people that are kept Ďbusyí more than anyone else, because of their approach and general attitude. If you become popular, it wonít be necessary for you to contact couples. They will undoubtedly seek you out and contact you.
On a personal note, I met my significant other in this lifestyle when he was a single male, but I approached him first. He never made the first move when it came to couples, and always proved himself to be nothing but a respectful gentleman. The time and effort he put into his profile and his forum/chat participation quickly garnered him attention from couples. I was so impressed by his manners and how different he was from the typical male, that I wanted him around me as much as possible. He conducted himself in a gentlemanly manner, and made intelligent conversation with members. He didn't try to get in anyone's pants. He instead carried himself as the educated, eloquent and mannerly man that he was, and still is. He never made the first move, and was always modest. He participated in chat and forums without constantly hitting on women. The fact that he did this put the greatest point forth- that he was a respectful gentleman.
People saw that because he wasn't out to 'get laid', so that was the one thing that got him more offers than almost any other single males on the site, AND what attracted me to him.
Please prepare to be realistic. It is not a matter of a few days until you can achieve your goal. The key for everyone, including couples, is to have patience. For single males, earning the trust of other members in the lifestyle community can take months. If you are patient, this will pay off for you. It is well worth the wait. Just as word spreads quickly if you act like a pig, word will also spread like wildfire if you are the type of gentlemen couples seek. It all comes down to a matter of class versus crass. Our lifestyle is largely based on having friends with Ďbenefitsí. Be a friend, and the rest will come.

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