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Question: I find it natural to want to explore my fantasy with other people, I but she does not.

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been married for 8 years. It is the second marriage for both of us. We love each other very much and really enjoy the erotic side of life. When we have sex we fantasize about having sex with other people, especially other men. She also fantasizes about making it with another woman. The sex is the best I have ever had, but here's the problem. It seems obvious to me that she would be a natural for the swinging lifestyle. But, when I brought it up, she was horrified. She told me in no uncertain terms that she would never have sex with other people, ever. What confuses me is that she is sooooo sexual and erotic when we have sex, talking nasty each time we have sex about making it with another man, a roomful of men, a woman, that it drives me wild. Zoey, do you understand this? I really want to see my wife have sex with other people (as we both fantasize about) but she will have none of it. Is it normal, in your opinion, for a woman to fantasize regularly about having sex with other people, yet be so totally against living out the fantasy? I tried to make the point that people have fantasies about something that they might like to do, as opposed to fantasizing about doing something that they find abhorrent (killing people, having sex with children, etc). But the argument went nowhere. While I find it natural to want to explore my fantasy with other people, I must accept the fact that she does not. Any suggestions?




Dear (Anonymous),

When we began in the lifestyle it was for Zoey to explore her curiosity about being with other women. At that time we didnt include the husbands at all... and if you had suggested that... you probably would have had the same reaction from Zoey as you did from your wife.

What we mean to say is that for many people the idea of having physical contact with other people is so taboo that they simply refuse to even accept it as a possibility because the idea is so foreign to them.

So far you say that you are having incredible sex with each other... that is really a lot more than most couples can say (maybe not on this site... but the majority of the gen pop)

Is her reaction normal... 100% yes... does it matter if it is normal or not... NO !!! It is how she feels right now. Did you think when you first got married that she would be fantasizing like this?

Our suggestion is that you take it slow.... real slow. If your wife expresses some interest in playing football, you dont suit her up with pads and push her on the field where the Vikings are playing.

When you guys are together in your own room, there is a lot of security for her.. its safe... she can fantasize all she wants and allow herself to go wild in realative safety.

The only progression you may want to try is to first tell her that you would like to be voyeurs and maybe go to a club... or a vacation to hedo or something like that where you can explore the possibility of having sex in the same room as others...but NOT being involved AT ALL !!!

Or just go to one of the local couples parties or clubs in the area and observe... but make a commitment to each other that under no circumstances will either of you participate with anyone else except each other. That may provide the sense of security she needs... if she trusts you enough.

If she is hesitant.... back way off.... let her know that this is something you want to do as a couple.. and not to explore just your own desires.

And let us warn you one thing... if you think you cant control your chemicals... DONT GO !!! That is a guaranteed fast track to divorce court.

We are usually not real big fans of going anywhere when one half of the couple is not 100% sure that they want to be there... we have seen our share of fights and crying... its just not worth it.

The only thing your really need to do right now is enjoy yourself and take pride in the fun you are having together right now... there are thousands of husbands who would trade places with you in a New York minute.

You may wish to show her our regular informational website at www.zacnzoey.com as we have been told that it helps many newbies understand and overcome some fears.
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