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Question: What would YOU have done if???

Dear Lounge Advice,

What would YOU have done if??? You had planned an entire week-end with a couple (nobody is bi, the plan was to share husbands/wives), and one of the exchanged couples were sexually electric, VERY turned on with each other, very happy being with each other, but the other couple was less so, and one person was feeling empty inside and really wanted her husband back, but knew in her gut that her own husband was not ready to return to her yet? Plus, the other man (her husband) wanted to be with her too?

Would you have gone and taken the spouse from their HOT experience?

Or just supress a little of your own feelings until a later date?

As it turned out by the way (the wife expressed her feelings and things got BAD), feelings got hurt, ugly things got said, the "empty" wife did not trust the situation, and then was acccused of being jealous, and was told she should have "checked those feelings at the door" before entering into the week-end.

It was an awful mess, dangerous territory. Marriage strength was being attacked by the other couple, and three adults felt the "empty/feeling" wife was the problem!

In my opinion, the problem surfaced through the empty/feeling wife, and mistakes were made. Expections and communucations not clear going into the week-end, and as it turned out all communication is over with the other couple now. And therapy took place twice this week for at least one of the couples (yes, me and my husband). And it became a growing experience, but painful in the process. It is very important to keep the emotional connection with the main couple, and to give 100% value and respect to the other couple. And not play three against one, like why can't she just come along for the train ride.





Dear (Anonymous),

When it comes to feelings and emotions, all the plans get cast aside.

Look, there are going to be people who will disagree especially the "old school" long-time "swingers" to who's thinking is this is only all about robots without feelings having sex, blah blah blah. And "you know what you are getting into ahead of time" and "don't mess up my good time or my hard-on" (sorry for the pointed language)

Ya know what, we are talking about real people here- people who have feelings and real emotions, especially since we are all dancing on the line of emotions that can effect marriages.

We have stated our feelings on this before and we will restate them again. Sure we all have to be respectful and understanding of others, but the bottom line is that when any 1/2 of a couple is not having fun (which is what this is all about) then they should stand true to their own feelings. The concerns about the other people take second stage and only the two of you matter. Couples will come and go, but the object is for you to stay together.

So the other couple's night of physical pleasure was interrupted. Big fkg deal. Couldn't they just go and satisfy each oher, and then the next weekend they can put together another sex fest.

The words "I want to be with my spouse" should be held in the highest regard and applauded rather than ridiculed by anyone in the lifestyle.

And this whole thing about attacking a woman and then ganging up on her. Who are these people? did you notice if they actually had pulses?

Thank god we have not run into people or situations like that in the past 7 years, and thankfully they are the exception more than the rule.

If one of us is not enjoying ourselves we have an agreement between each other that we will just tell the others that we want to be with our spouse... and if they have a problem with that (which no one ever has) truthfully we would laugh at them.

The one thing that always made us feel comfortable in the lifestyle was the compassion, respect, and understanding that we felt from the people in it and that they displayed towards others, but there will always be a few sour grapes in the bunch.
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