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Question: She wants it now- I don't

Dear Lounge Advice,

I know you have answered this type question before but here it goes....my wife and I have been in the Lifestyle for a couple years, we have migrated from only wanting females to enjoying very much the pleasure of another couple. We are soft swap with other couples and nothing but penetration has been out of bounds and it's all good.

My wife has now asked for two things, one the ability to play separately and also that we full swap with another couple. I am not in any way comfortable with playing separately, she says its cool for me to do on my own and I've made it clear I'm not interested and didnt ask for that freedom she gave me and have never used it.

As it relates to full swap, that is of interest to me at the right time, right place, right couple I will go there. But in time, when we both feel it, right now she's just a tad ahead of me.

My wife is ready to go right now and says I am controlling and jealous for not letting her do it and she never should have been honest with me about her desires. I say the desires are fine, the thing that troubles me is that I feel that one should never pressure another in the LifeStyle or ever put their needs in the lifestyle ahead of the needs of the relationship.




Dear (Anonymous),

She needs to respect your comfort level right now. If you indicate to her that it will happen in time, she should be happy with this prospect.
I can understand her stance if you continue to say 'in time' for years, but this isn't the case.
I can't say too much about this, except that everything you said is dead on. Your last paragraph says it all.
If she cannot accept this, you should really question her priorities.
Ask her to place herself in your shoes. Would she be happy if you made these same accusations and demands?
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