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Question: Unsure about venturing into this

Dear Lounge Advice,
Tag line...Maybe this isn't for me?

My wife and I had our first "couples" experience this past weekend and everything was great except I was unable to get aroused by the other Mrs. Yada Yada, blah blah...I know this is old hat but...

My problem was since this was the first woman I had been with other than my wife in 20+ years, I kept worrying about what she was thinking, I couldn't get her out of my head, I didn't want to hurt her or get her upset. Now, mind you, she was TOTALLY into the other Mr. and that may have been a problem. When two couples are together is there usually supposed to be some shared touching and interaction? There was NONE in our tryst. The other Mrs. new this was my first time and I think she was nervous about what she could or couldn't do(as was I).

I told my wife IN ADVANCE that I thought this might happen based on our online chats and webcam sessions with this couple..so she may need to verbalize to us her approval and how hot we looked, etc.(encourage and support) But... she says (and I quote) "I got lost in the moment" ??? That was a 6 hour moment! LOL Anyway, I am not confident my wife will assist if this situation occurs again so I am considering pulling the plug, or just sticking to Single Males. Your thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thank you so much...

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I wouldn't pull the plug right away. After all, it has been a very long time since either of you has experienced the thrill of 'the first time' with another person.
I have never been the type of person to stick up for the female simply because she is the same gender as I am. But, I wouldn't think too poorly of your wife for getting so entranced with the experience.
In this situation, since it has been so long for both of you, things will be radically different. Women usually don't suffer from anxiety issues in this situation. It's fairly common for men to feel self-conscious about their performance. This is exacerbated by watching the wife enjoy another man for the first time in many, many years.
Both of your experiences are psychological and physical. Unfortunately, the aforementioned factors were negative for you, and positive for her.
I would suggest two things. First, invest in Viagra. I'm not suggesting that you have any issues. Many men with perfect physical history suffer from performance issues in these situations. Even if your psyche cannot fully overcome the situation yet, your physical side will get a needed boost. Perhaps this will keep you more focused on the sex.
Second, you really need to talk with your wife. Share your feelings. Corny as though it sounds, it is the very best method for overcoming the apprehension and feelings of hesitancy.
Ask her to help you and pay attention to you. Yes, it is sometimes necessary for interaction between the two mates while swinging. If you need this, tell her.
Since this is new to you both, you should both vocalize to each other what you want. If you do not do this, feelings will become problems.

Try to have a heart to heart about this. It will be a big help.
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