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Question: We want to be intimate with her, but not him.

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I are newbies to the lifestyle but are learning new things at each turn. We have a good friend that we found out, by way of an anonymous swinger site, that she and her husband are swingers. We went to a lifestyles party with them and had a GREAT time even though nothing happened. Here is the problem: Neither one of us can stand her one-dimensional, pushy husband, and it even goes so far as we do not want to be around him. How can we do things with, or explain to our good friend that we would love to explore this lifestyle with her only? My wife and I both agree that our friendship with her is more important than any sexual explorations, and wont run the risk of jeopardizing that friendship.
I have known our mutual friend since highschool, and she has known her since her college sorority days...small world.

How can we make this suggestion to her, or do you advise that we just never be intimate with her?



Dear (Anonymous),

We do not know what you discussed with the other couple... based on the way you explain it, the "one-dimensional, pushy husband" is just interested in pushing physical sex.. but you would have to tell us if we are wrong.

When you had talks with them... did you find out if they do play alone or just as a couple? If not.. you have to assume that they play just as a couple and in that case DON'T say anything about being interested in her and not him.

You will come across many time in the lifestyle when you are both attracted to one half of a couple and not the other. That happens more often that not.

Just think back when you were dating as a single and how tough it was to find someone who you jived with... .as a couple its not twice as hard... it becomes exponetially more difficult !!!

It is always best to take the safest approach when you are dealing with close friends or old friends.. we always think it is getting "too close for comfort" to go there... but you have to be guided by your relationships to make the best decision for yourself.

Always remember that as adults we make adult choices and decisions... and we are always responsible for the ramifications of the choices and decisions we make.

The good news is that there is a big ocean out there.
Good Luck with your fishing!
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