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Question: This asker is way beyond my help

Dear Lounge Advice,

I have a strange problem/question.


I have been married for quiet a while. I love my wife and we have a great sex life. We are also very active in the LS and have great sex with other whom we are very attracted to and have great friendships/sex with.


So, here is my problem, and I may think it is a fetish. I have the hots for a mannequin at a Fredericks Store. She is HOT. They always dress her in different wigs and outfits. I constantly go to the mall to see this Mannequin. I even named her Helga and I secretly talk to her. I want to work up the courage to see if I can buy her and introduce her to my wife in our love making. I would drill some holes in her and line her with some plastic. I know we could have a great time.


My question is.
How do I propose this idea to my wife and how do I go about buying a mannequin from the store.

I really love Stella and I want to make love to her.


Sincerely,

I got wood for wood.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hold the phone.

You profess your love for this mannequin, yet you can't remember her name?

Which is it, Helga or Stella???

You're obviously not in love if you can't even remember her frigging name.
All you guys are alike. You're into pure plastic and hollow heads. You can't appreciate a smart, natural girl.

How will your wife feel about this? What if your dick gets stuck in the hole? To avoid this, you'll have to at least drill a hole the circumference of a crayola marker. Don't protest, 'anonymous asker'. I know who you are and I've seen your roll of dimes.

Anyways...

The least of your worries should be how to purchase this thing. She obviously knows you're not truly in love with her. That's probably why she's so stiff and continues to flaunt her assets to other men (and women).

So just ask your wife's permission, distract the mall cop and give her a leg hump to get this over with.
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