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Question: First time at a swing club- what to expect

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are new to this and inexperienced in the "Lifestyle".We have spent some time reading up on it some and have found many answers to questions we have had.However, there still some answers we seek.

One question is in regard to being very curious to go to an event or swing-club or swingers dance.But we are very unsure of what to expect or how to mentally prepare/cope or even if we would be welcome.The fact is we are essentially "vanilla" (have grown to dislike this term as it seems in the swinger community to be used in such a negative light as if being it makes you boring,mundane, and/or nerdy....perhaps to some degree we are, lol but that's something else entirely) as we are not sure just how far we truly want to go with this exploration nor have we really had any experience with it.
Will we be able to go and just view things from the sidelines without drawing the ire or undue negative or unwanted attention of the people there?Will we be welcome, despite our potential limitations/reservations/vanilla-ness? Will we stick out like sore thumbs and thus be largely ignored?Or (please excuse vanity here)as an attractive couple, will we be attacked like fresh meat in a wolf den?

We have read that "No" is enforced etc, and that is a relief. But, unsure how often we should expect to have to use it or heaven forbid,have it enforced. Then too there is the shock factor, we just have no idea what we can expect to happen or what we might see.We realize its impossible to tell us exactly,(as surely different areas and clubs are different) but a general break down on how we should prepare and what to generally expect for such settings,would be very helpful.

Thanks for your time,

Curious Explorers



Dear (Anonymous),

Perhaps the one venue that frightens many newbies is a swing club. Whether you are on a website, or you choose to visit a swingers’ establishment to seek a match, this is a surprisingly pressure-free atmosphere to do so.

Many people who have not been to one have misconceptions. They think of visions of orgies when walking in, and people trying to grope all over them. Swing clubs, when you enter, look surprisingly like regular nightclubs. If you choose to scout out a swing club for the first time, have in mind what you would like to accomplish beforehand. However, don’t be too disappointed if your aspirations aren’t met. The best goal is to go in with no aspirations except for having a great time with your partner. Then, you’re guaranteed to meet your own expectations. Also, don’t be fooled by illusions of grandeur that every member in the club will look like a Perfect 10. Most clubbers are just your average everyday folk there to let loose. You might find a handful of very attractive people, but it won’t be the majority.
You’ll feel quite welcomed and comfortable as soon as you enter, and most clubs will give a friendly tour of the grounds. You'll witness drinking, dancing, conversation and flirting. The attire can range from regular nightclub clothes to something extremely risqué. The only difference here is that if a lady wants to get naked on the dance floor, she usually can. If it's a more liberal club, you may occasionally see some light sexual play as the night progresses. As for the hardcore, this usually takes place in special rooms away from the main area for members who choose to play on premise. There are private rooms and public rooms (usually) and if you want to explore a little more, go watch in a public room, or go have your own fun in a private room. Swing clubs aren't like regular night clubs because people tend to be much more polite, unlike regular clubs, which tend to meat-markets. The unsaid rule of a swing club is that you must ask first, ‘no’ means no and that the ladies control the action. This is almost always respected and you’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone who steps over this line.
Even thought we've both been in the lifestyle for many years, we just go to the clubs on occassion to sit alone, people watch, and enjoy each others' company. We're generally left alone on those nights because we make sure we choose a table away from the general action and we keep to ourselves. Most people get the hint.
Try it out. I'm willing to bet that your perceptions and fears will be greatly changed once you give it a go.
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