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Question: Violation of set boundaries- what should I do?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I attended a house party a few weeks ago. We knew the couple that was having the party and have played with them twice. My wife has a couple of drinks (not drunk). We happen to be in the living room and the evening was early. We get up and begin to go out back wear most of the other couples were and on the way out of the house we stop to talk to the husband of the couple having the party. My wife begins to kiss him and after a few minutes he begins to lead her to his bed room. The problem I have is that we have discussed this in the past and decided together neither one of us would do this because we like to play together with other couples. I was mortified and did not know what to do. I was left standing there after the bed room door closed. After they were done my wife comes out looking for me and I told her that she had crossed the line as well as a few other things. I took her to an area where no one else would be so there would not be a seen. I still think about it. I have not said any more about it to my wife. What are your thoughts?



Dear (Anonymous),

You should have done something immediately. Yes, I know that you were entirely shellshocked to see this, but if it ever happens again, you have to stop it.
Perhaps nothing more does need to be said about this incident. You said your peace to her, and that SHOULD be enough to prevent it from ever happening again. Perhaps this was a wake-up call for her. She may have been too wrapped up the excitement of the moment and ceased functionality of rational thought. I'm not defending her actions. Rather, what I feel is that this void of judgement and its outcome may be enough to open her eyes and keep herself in line from now on.
Sometimes we all do stupid things without thinking, and we have to learn the hard way not to repeat our actions. Unfortunately, you were the direct recipient of her action's repurcussions.

If it happens again......

Act swiftly, both during the moment and after you apprehend her. A second violation of trust will call for more than just a discussion. It should result in a reevaluation of involvement in swinging, period.
No trust- no go!
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