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Question: Not getting enough at home, and unsure of playing in the LS right now

Dear Lounge Advice,

My boyfriend has not been in the mood too see me as much as he was before, he only sees me on Thur, Fri, and Sat night, no more during the day as we used to, he says he is under stress and needs he's space. In the mean time I'm not being sexually satisfied, but when I mentioned that there was a really cute couple wanting to meet with us...Of course! he was so excited! He said to me....Arrange it baby, maybe that is what I need right now! So, dear Lounge Advice: How can I share someone I hardly have myself? I feel that we should be closer before we are with another couple. Would I be so wrong to tell him that in order for us to continue the lifestyle we once were active in, we need to get close again?
You see, we were pretty close before and it was easier sharing each other to couples but now he is so distant from me...he says that as soon as his troubles are over we will go back to normal and continue the nice relationship we had, so what if I tell him that once we do go back to normal than we can swing again? Does all of this make sense?
Thank you, looking forward to your advice!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I sometimes sit on the fence about this very issue because it's close to me in many ways.
While I completely agree that things need to be rectified between you two, I have mixed feeling about pulling away from extracurricular play.

On one hand, I empathize completely with how you're feeling.

Why should I share you if I you don't share enough of yourself with ME? Why should someone else get you?
But...
Why should I continue to suffer from an active sex drive? Shouldn't I be able to swing and satisfy some more of this need?
But wait, that brings me back to the dilemma of sharing you, when I don't feel that you share enough of yourself with ME? Why should someone else get you?


This dilemma always comes full circle, leaving you feeling like you get the short end of the stick, no matter what the outcome.

So, here's how I've rectify this in my personal life. It takes a bit of self-sacrific and compromise, but understandably, this comes with the territory of being in a relationship.
You don't necessarily need to withdraw from play altogether if this is bothering you.
You don't necessarily need to go into full swing mode either, given your infrequency of sex.
Here's how a little extra play/dabbling can help out.
I find that a slight spark from an outside source can add some heat to a slightly lacking sex life at home.
This comes with an understanding between you and your significant other. He needs to know your feelings and position on this. Don't mince words. Just tell him that you want to repair what's going on, but you also don't want to penalize yourself by not participating in the lifestyle. Tell him how you feel about sharing him when you're not feeling fully satisfied. Share you feelings about hoping to add that spark back. Afterall, when swinging, you get to be with him too (you should, anyways) and that is a big motivation behind still being open to playing, despite what's going on.
But, playtime is at a minimum until your personal relationship is at a more satisfactory level.
If this is more of an emotional issue between you, then I suggest treading very lightly in the lifestyle. Again, you don't have to withdraw. Just gauge your feelings and comfort on the matter and follow your own instincts.
Only YOU know how you're feeling about this. If your gut is telling you to not play with other, listen to it. I can offer you advice to the best of my experiences and common sense, but at the end of the day, your feelings should take the lead.
You're the one feeling this, and you're the one who knows the intimate details of your relationship with him. Take my advice with a grain of salt, but let your own judgement lead your decisions.
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