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Question: Can you help us finding the right MFM, MFF, and couples chemistry. Finding what is right for us.

Dear Lounge Advice,
My husband and I have been in this lifestyle for almost 2 years now. We have enjoyed FMF encounters with my husband having interaction with the other woman - which I enjoy participating in. I have not had a desire to have interaction with another man as in a couple situation - but we know how difficult it is to find a single woman. We talked about it and decided to try a MFM encounter to see if I could get used to the idea of another man touching me. It was fine for me though it did not "rock my world" - I actually found that the fantasy of it was more of a turn on to me than the actual act - my husband really enjoyed it. My husband has this theory that in order to figure out what we like and don't like in lifestyle, we should experience the different options. He would now like us to try a full swap with another couple. I have tried to explain to him that I do not think that having another man touch or be intimate with me is for me. I feel that unless I have a "connection" to a man -I do not have passion and therefore the sex is not good. We also have parameters in this venue - I do not mouth kiss the other man nor will I give another man oral - these two acts are too intimate to me to share with a stranger and my husband feels the same way. Sorry to be so long winded - my question is as follows: My husband believes that the one man we tried it with may not have been the right man because the sex was not intense.I have tried to explain to my husband that even though the sex was not intense, the other man still had intercourse with me and it was neither "here nor there" to me. My husband thinks we should try it again with a single male and with a full swap couple as well. I do not believe that another male will make a difference as I still will not have a "connection" to them (nor do I want a connection - that is what I have with my husband). Is this common to feel this way??? And what advice would you give to both of us?
Thanks for your help!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

What you are feeling is absolutely common and understandable based upon what you have explained.

We are all individuals with individual feelings...wants... desires.. and pleasures. There is no uniform way that you are "supposed" to feel about anything. We cannot tell you what to do...you have to be guided by your own feelings.

As you mature in the lifestyle and perhaps become more comfortable with it... you may find that your feelings will change... but only you will be the one to know when and if that happens.

We are also not naive as to not realize that what your hubby and you know is that with the numbers of single bi fems out there being as they are... you desire here makes it difficult to play...

Should you try something new again... ONLY when you really want to... otherwise.... trust us... you will have an terrible time and the prospects will diminish that much more...

So our advice would be to do only what makes you happy and comfortable for the time being.. and see how things go for a while... you never know how you will feel in the future... and you may find a couple in which you do find a connection (at least a more instant connection) with the guy... and this situation may just solve itself...

Let us know how it goes !!
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