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Question: Broken friendship b/c of apparent lifestyle rule breach

Dear Lounge Advice,
I have a favorite LL play partner and we've been playing for about 7 months now...well, we used to that is.
We recently had a play date set up with passes from each other's spouse. I asked him to meet me at a hotel for some fun. I didn't think to bring a condom and things got hot an heavy and he didn't have a condom either.
We are both fixed and STD free so we had sex without protection.
I know....NOT GOOD.
Well, we told our spouses and his spouse was NOT ok with this and wont let us play again.
I am bummed! Moreso that our friendship is wrecked and that I hurt his wife.
How do I handle this and was it my fault for not bringing a condom since I set up the playdate and asked him while he was at work?
I really want to be friends with them again.
She told me they are taking a step back from us.
I miss them both so much.
Please help.



Dear (Anonymous),

That's his wife's hangup with her own husband. It doesn't sound like an issue with you as much as her disappointment with him.
HE also chose not to use a condom. If this was one of their rules, he should have said something.
If you miss them, make a single contact addressing both of them. Let your feelings be known and apologize only if you feel you need to. Personally, I do not feel that you owe an apology, but it can't hurt if you extend it anyways. This was not your fault, though.
Sometimes, friendships fall apart, and we never fully understand why. If she was willing to cease friendly relations over something you are not culapble of, then this sends a message. A true friend will not allow a friendship to stale because of something like this. She may see it as a breach of trust, but it is really a miscommunication between her and her own spouse.
Again, extend your hand in friendship with a final communication. Perhaps they just need time for themselves to reassess their own rules and re-establish trust with each other.
This may not even be about you at all. If indeed it is a true friendship, they will come back.
Just remember, please: Friendship is a strong word and should not be used lightly. The true essence of friendship withstands transgressions and hardships much greater than this. Just keep this in perspective ;)
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