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Question: Approaching her about taking it past soft swap

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I are new to the lifestyle and I was just wondering about something I was feeling. We only do soft swap, as it is all that she feels comfortable with, and I have no issues respecting her boundaries. What I am wondering is how to approach her about the fact that I take little satisfaction in these soft swap activities. It seems like just as the action is getting going, I have to stop. Sort of aggravating to me as I do not take any 'enhancers' so it is annoying to have to get to somewhere private to please her. How would you handle this? I don't want to step on her confidence, as she is finally coming out of her shell, but I don't know if I can be happy without getting what I need physically.



Dear (Anonymous),

Just approach her with these concerns- do it with kindness and consideration. Look back at what you wrote to me. I think you worded that well for your approach with her.
Be sure to let her know that it's not mandatory that this goes further, but perhaps with time and more comfort on her part, you'd like to keep the possibility open.
Don't get too serious with your tone. The more nonchalant you can be, the better. For a first approach on this subject, you don't want to make her feel taken aback, thus giving her a complex. Just mention is casually and see how she responds. Then you can chart your future approach on the subject accordingly.

Remember, if she feels secure and confident with herself, she will be more willing to go a little further. This will depend largely on how you handle her feelings.
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