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Question: Need a woman's POV

Dear Lounge Advice, My wifwe and I have been flirting around with the Lifestyle thing. We had one soft swap, which she wasnt comfotable with (seeing me), we have gone to hedoII (both had a BLAST). Also, I have been trying to get her to agree to a mfm, I have even written a really hot story which there is another man 9she said she liked it). As of now she said she wont do a mfm but I guess I get crossed messages...does she really or will it just me more time? I understand the whole "pussy leads" rule and Im willing to wait. Would like a womans point of view on this....is she curious and just a little scared (which she said she doesnt want anthign to ruin our relationship)..Thanks

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

"Pussy leads" rule- Let me clarify that. Yes, many say that the women lead in the lifestyle. I am not of that mindset.
If you are a couple, you both call the shots and you both defer to each others' comfort levels. If the man is not ready for something, the female should not be able to ignore or override his decision not do something simply because "she has the pussy".

Now that I've said my peace on that...
She is like many of us who first got a glimpse into the lifestyle.
It's new, it's not accepted by society, and it goes against much of what we have been taught and have engrained in us.
Here is an excerpt of some previous advice I have given that may help you out in this situation:


"As excited as you may be about swinging, it is best to step back and ascertain the best way for you both to enter the lifestyle comfortably. Your partner may require extensive time and exposure to feel at ease with this idea. Remember that many people hold misconceptions about the lifestyle and may need this time and experience to help clear up misunderstandings.
If you both do consider taking it further than online exploration, try attending a pressure-free event, such as a meet and greet, and make it clear that neither one of you is expected to do anything at all. This way, your experience will be much less intimidating and she will be more inclined to explore further.
If all goes well the first time them have her decide which event she might like to try the next time.

Your partner may warm up to the lifestyle a bit more if she enjoys the parties and the company and realizes that the stereotypes surrounding the lifestyle are often false and contrived. Attending lifestyle events serves many purposes for first-timers, or those who are otherwise timid of the initial experience. As a rule, she will be able to see firsthand the wonderful people that are involved in this, and understand that lifestylers are not depraved sexual predators, nor are they devoid of morals or couth. Morals are so subjective anyways, aren’t they? In fact, anyone who attends a lifestyle event will see just how ‘normal’ many of these people are. Lifestylers are a microcosm of society, and come from all walks of life. They just happen to be a bit more open-minded in their sexual outlooks than most.

If you both opt to venture out to a function for the first time, do not expect your mate to do anything with anybody. Do not even allude to the possibility of such activity. This experience in and of itself will be enough of a sensory overload, without her mate expressing his desire for action. Simply allow her to take it all in, then discuss her reactions later. If this is done the right way, she may want more. After all, this was the initial goal.
If your mate expresses that she is just not interested, leave it at that. Tell her that is she would like to entertain the possibility, then she can bring it up when she's ready. Do not push! It will only make her feel insecure and make her wonder why you want to do this so badly. Women are delicate creatures sometimes, and we tend to analyze men's motives.
Guys, the best way to make her feel secure in entering the lifestyle is to reassure her that you love her, that she's beautiful, and that you are doing this not to find something better than her, but to enhance your relationship. If she doesn't hear this reassurance regularly, she will most likely assume that she just isn't enough for you, and that is why you feel the desire to swing. "

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