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Question: How can I get him to explore further?

Dear Lounge Advice,
We are still somewhat new to the lifestyle. I have looked over some of the questions here, but don't see any that are regarding my questions. Maybe we are the minority in this area. I (Mrs) am the one that suggested we dabble in the lifestyle & the Mr agreed. I now consider myself bisexual and love being with women & the Mr loves to see it. We have had some 4 somes, but we are not full swap, nor do we full swap with oral. As in, the ladies can do the oral on each other, but the men only with their partners. I am the one that is interested in going a bit further in our explorations & the Mr is a bit timid about it. How can I get to him to open up to this a little and try a bit more? I would love to see him with another women! I am not really intersted in being with another man, but if it were to happen I'd be ok with it. Is it normal for the women to be the aggressor in this? I don't want to push him into anything he's not comfortable with, but would love for him to be more open if the situation were to arise & not sure how to go about getting him there. Thank you for any help you are able to provide.

Mrs Aggressive

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I am the one in your position. I am the aggressive half of the couple.

I'll give you the same advice I would give to a male trying to get the woman to explore further.

Do not push. Just lead the way.
First, you must talk. Talk about potential situations and reactions to these situations. Ask him how he would feel about being in soft/full swap scenarios. If he is unsure, ask if he would mind if you led the way. If he's okay with this, introduce him slowly.

Talk about 'signals'. If one of you is uncomfortable with something, you need a key word or gesture. For us, it's a squeeze of the hand. Actually, it's a death grip. Something like this is a failsafe for when things are not going as planned.

With any partner,
the best way to make them feel secure with going further is to reassure them that you love them, that you find them attractive, and that you are doing this not to find something better than them, but to enhance your relationship. If they don't hear this reassurance regularly, they may question your reasons.

I can easily go into many details about this, but my best initial advice is to talk about it. Tell him your fantasies and tell him that you're willing to lead the way. If he's okay with this, you can be the teacher. As long as you're willing to be the dominant force, and he's willing to explore, then do it!

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