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Question: New to the site and wanting to be there if hubby is fooling around- Am I unreasonable?

Dear Lounge Advice,

I am still new to the site and my husband and I have not crossed over to the LS but like the environment a lot.

We have only kissed some other people and enjoyed the flirting.

My hsband loves and adores me yet sometimes I feel like he's not considered enough of me when he is going ahead and starts flirting with another woman.

We have set some agreements and boundaries but it seems challenging in the heat of the moment and I am not sure if I am being unreasonable for wanting to be "there" when he's kissing or touching someone else.

I feel so much more relaxed when I am right there instead of turning a corner and finding another woman being all over him.

I'd like to overcome this and get to the point where I can just let him enjoy some freedom but it's been chalenging.

Any tips are appreciated.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Wait. You have set boundaries that entail you being there if these things are happening?

This means that he has agreed to the boundaries if they were discussed, I presume.

You are NOT being unreasonable in your requests. In fact, many seasoned lifestylers practice this very thing. If you are just starting out on the fringes of this, and he is not adhering to the agreed upon boundaries, back up and try this again.

You both need to sit down again and discuss this. If this is your wish, it should be followed. It is not an unreasonable thing to ask at all. I have been in the lifestyle for almost 12 years now, and I still expect this very thing. Neither one of us does anything without the other close by and aware of what is happening.

Especially being new to this scene, you two need to practice extensive communication. If you feel that a one time agreement has not gotten through to him, say it again.

If he is not willing to follow the agreed upon boundaries, then he should forget about even thinking of this anymore, much less getting to do it.
If you can trust him to adhere to what was discussed, and he can show his trustworthiness on a regular basis, then perhaps you may feel more comfortable expanding these boundaries in time. Tell him this.

Read some of the advice that I have given in the past for newbies- I think you may find some of it helpful in your situation.

Speak up!
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