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Question: Being bi in a monogamous relationship

Dear Lounge Advice,
I am asking a somewhat generic question, I am wondering if you have notice a pattern in Bi sexual women in committed relationships.

I am the femme half of a couple, and I am bi. Before my other half and I met we were both in the lifestyle. I was in another relationship and he was a single male. He has not experienced real swinging until our relationship, where I have. He is thinking due to the fact I am bisexual, that i have a real, unrealized need to be with women. Now I do enjoy women, but i don't lust for the intimisim of others and and i defiantly wont threaten my life over something like bisexual sex, I pretty sure i can continue the rest of my life without being with a girl. We have re-entered the LS because we are both sexual, exhibitionist, and to let me be my bisexual self. Which is very generous of my man, but I don't think is necessary and may be causing drama where it could be avoided. Do you think that a bi person without a bi sexual outlet will fail in a monogamous relationship?

LD

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

It truly depends on the individual.

I am very much like you. I was married, met my husband as a single male on a swinger site and I am bisexual with much more experience than him.

Could I continue on monogamously and forsake my sexual desires for women?

Yes. It might be a powerful urge that I would want to satiate at times, but I feel that I could overcome that urge.

Do I beleive that everyone can do the same? No.

There are many women out there that have such a strong need to be with other women, that it's a necessary part of their lives. Being in a monogamous relationship would not be the best thing for them.


Depending on the strength of the need, a bisexual person must gauge their own tolerance for certain relationships.

If I've noticed anything akin to a pattern, it is that women in monogamous relationships who crave other women usually supress this urge. So many women have confessed that they have harbored fantasies about other women during a marriage, but never felt bold enough to express this to their husbands.

If you feel that the harmful effects outweigh the benefits, then you should consider this in your decision-making.
Perhaps all that is needed is some time and additional insights into who you are for him to realize that his assessment of you may be misguided.

At the risk of sounding cliche, communication, patience and understanding as you grow together will help sort this out.
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