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Question: Husband seems to have lost interest in me suddenly

Dear Lounge Advice,
I am feeling confused and hope you can help. Hubby and I have been in the lifestyle for about a year now. We used to have the most fantastic sex life ever. I used to text him something hot and he would be at the door waiting for me when I got off work. Now it is like he is not interested anymore. I have tried everything. I found a stash of porn movies the other day and wonder if he is just getting off on that now. He bought me new play toys the other day. I have been excited to try them out together but he isn't interested I guess. When I found the movies I didn't tell him, but I said, hey, lets watch a "special" movie tonight and screw all over the house. Nothing, nada, zip. I am very attractive I think. I just don't know what the problem is, it is definitely starting to affect my self esteem. I am feeling like I must be doing something wrong.



Dear (Anonymous),

I understand exactly how you feel. I've been through this myself.

How can this NOT affect someone's self-esteem?

First, let me ask you this- What is his sexual history? Has he always had a strong sex-drive, or perhaps not quite up to par?

Sometimes, if a man is lacking in testosterone levels, this situation can arise. My hubby and I started out hot and heavy in the bed just as you two did. Then, the exact situation you describe happened to us. He had a history of a low sex drive after the initial sexual surge of having a new partner wore off, and generally didn't want sex as much as any normal guy would.

Yes, this hits the self-esteem hard. But we took him to a doctor and had him tested and found out that his testosterone levels were rock bottom.
Treatments have helped.

I went through the same dilemma, wondering what was wrong, trying out different approaches.
Finally, I just broke down and asked him what was going on. The talk really helped, even though it was a difficult topic to approach. But it has to be done.

You need to share these feelings with him and ask him what's going on. Don't be confrontational about it. Just approach him with genuine concern and let him know how it's affecting you. Don't make the entire conversation about you though. Direct your concern towards him and ask him how you can both work together to make it better.

When we did that very thing, we came up with some solutions- one of them being that I have to be more aggressive and take charge when I want sex. That is also when we finally found out that it was a medical reason behind things.

You'll never know his reasons if you don't talk about it and work it out together. You may be surprised at what you both find out together.

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