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Question: How to have other couples respect and adhere to your rules for playing.

Dear Lounge Advice,
We have encountered a problem after 2 1/2 years in the lifestyle. I stems around one couple.

We have very few "rules"
No means No
We don't seperate
We don't ignore our partner, for our play friends,
We don't socialize with other couples without each other, so no one gets a feeling of being left out.

Well, we met up with anouther couple who live right around the corner with kids our kid's age. It turns out that she was an old "friend" of my partner's.

They came to our house the first night drunk as skunks and with their kids, mine were elsewhere that night.
I wanted no part of it, and was completely turned off, I told my partner abosolutely not!!
Well, the night progressed, the kids went to bed, and they wanted to play. I went along against my better judgement, and my partner proceeded to ignore me for the next 2 hours, while her husband couldn't perform at all.
Now because my partner is home during the day they have all become great friends and hang out all day while I'm at work. Sometimes the 3 of them sometimes just her and my partner, and various kids. Needless to say, I feel very left out. I have told him over and over again that I don't want a sexual relationship with them, but he has put me in and uncomfortable position, because these people practically live at my house every weekend now, and always want to play with us again, and he wants to play with her. I have come to find out that the other couple rarely have sex, because he can't do his duty.
I'm ready to leave over this. We have been through so much together and have been together a long time and never had a problem since we started swinging until now. How should I handle this?



Dear (Anonymous),

The reason you create rules (however few you have) is to keep situations like this from cropping up. This is another example of what happens when couples don’t adhere to the rules they set for each other.

What we do not know is how, and even whether you have communicated to him just how serious you are about this. You state that you told him over and over that you didn’t want to be physical with them... but not if you told him you were ready to leave him over this. It would seem that you guys have a very big problem (and its not just the neighbors)....in communicating.

Anytime someone gets to the point where they are even contemplating leaving a relationship over anything related to the Lifestyle… the first thing you need to do is STOP any Lifestyle activities until you get your ship in order. Continuing is only going to move you further apart rather than closer together (which is the object of being in the Lifestyle anyway)

This is all supposed to be about having FUN !! When it is no longer fun… then you need to take a break,

If you are having difficulty communicating with him then we suggest you seek out some professional counseling help. Again it is hard to give you any advice at all without knowing all the facts here. But sometimes a 3rd party can be very helpful in breaking down some walls.

We usually resist the urge to be judgmental about any Lifestyle activities.. however... as parents we feel that we must warn you that mixing Lifestyle activities with children around is very questionable behavior.

Children are a lot more perceptive than you think and there is a huge risk of introducing them to a very confusing situation. The Lifestyle concept is far beyond what most adults can make sense of… no less a child. We can tell you that our children have awoken at night and walked into our bedroom countless times… so the fact that they are sleeping is really not safe.

Its fine to socialize with other Lifestyle people with your children...but...We strongly feel that actual “playing” activities should not be done while children are even on the premises or nearby.

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