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Question: Wife not wanting lead-up, just interest and action

Dear Lounge Advice,
My Wife and I are about 6 months into what we call our "hobby" as we don't really like the term "lifestyle." In any case we came into it very much a couple, neither one dragging the other along. Of the experiences we've had, we've enjoyed ourselves but we're running into a problem. My wife is very uncomfortable with the pretense of the getting together with a couple. Weather it be meeting people at a club or chatting via IM or E-mail. She's told me that her ideal situation would be one where she wouldn't even have to know their names just that they were interested and ready. I'm certainly comfortable talking with new people but we've agreed to only get to know people when both of us are present. It's really putting a hold on our hobby, any suggestions?



Dear (Anonymous),

Perhaps then, you should fulfill that fantasy for her. This is an ideal situation in which you can screen the couples, get to know a little about them, then set up the scenario she seeks.
Of course, you would have to let the couples know about your wife's preferences, just so they don't think that you're trying to do all of this without her consent.

This is also one of these rare times when your wife doesn't necessarily need to be privvy to all of the details of the setup. She doesn't need to know that you're talking to a specific couple and setting up the scene. Perhaps just let her know that you're still most comfortable getting to know a little about people. If she trusts you enough to arrange the rendezvous, then you can do the 'behind the scenes' work, and she doesn't need to know about the details.

You can set up a meet at a club or even a hotel room.
So, if you're both comfy with just you 'planning the party', then she can just sit back and enjoy the instant gratification without all of the lead up. You really have a great situation here if you're willing to capitalize on it.

Personally, it sounds very tantalizing to me!
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