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Question: What do I do with my feelings after we left our 'safe zone'?

Dear Lounge Advice, I recently steped out my safe zone and enjoyed some playful fun. My boyfriend and I have only been dating 8 months. I'm new to LS, he is not.

We met this beautiful couple, and spent alot of time w them while on vac..it truly was amazing.. Here is my issue, my boyfriend likes to arrouse me by taking his package out. So during a recent concert he did. I was smiling and giggling..goofball. Then the next thing I new...the other couples girl was asking if she could do him.? I said I guess, she had a condom, but I have never been here before.

We had rules setup that this would not happen..I went home crying and wanted to packup my things and leave..it broke my heart to watch it all go down. This was my very first exp..ever.

I love that couple... But what do I do w my feelings.

Lost..,,

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I'm sorry to have to say this to you, but here goes-

Hun, if you had rules in place that prohibited this sort of thing from happening, why did you then give permission for it to happen? It's obvious that you merely acquiesced, and you weren't truly okay with allowing it.
This situation went down because you let it. You allowed the rules to be broken. The only person you should be disappointed with is yourself.
You both need to sit down together and talk this out. The blame should not be shifted to him, and he should not be made to feel guilty about what happened. If you gave the go-ahead, then he probably assumed that you were okay with breaking the boundaries.


What if this happens again? Talk about it- Set your rules firmly and adhere to them. If there comes a time when you feel that it's okay to expand your boundaries, you BOTH need to talk about it before it happens.
And do NOT break rules because you might look like the bad guy to someone else. You can't practice waffling in this lifestyle. The only thing it gets you is hurt.
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