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Question: Will our rules limit our potential play partners?

Dear Lounge Advice,
My wife and I have been enjoying exploring this lifestyle for almost two years now. We have moved from FMF to soft swap and would consider full swap when it feels right for everyone. We have two limits - we do not mouth kiss the other couple nor will my wife give the other man oral - she loves giving me oral. It is my opinion that this will certainly limit the potential encounters as it already seems to be a stumbling block for contacts that we have made. What is your opinion of how difficult it will be to hook up with other couples that will accept these limits and any advice you might have would be welcome.



Dear (Anonymous),

Anytime you put limitations on what you are going to do that differenciates from the norm, you are going to reduce the amount of like-minded people... thats not to say that you wont find any... we can't be sure what that number is.

The no-mouth-kissing is one that divides a lot of people... with little ambiguity. We for example would not consider a couple that doesnt kiss. We realize that when we are playing there is little emotion involved, but we feel that without kissing you are removing a great deal of passion... and to us sex without passion is missing something.

We know a few people who have that rule however, and if thats what works for you... its fine.

As far as her not wanting to give oral.. if you are looking to have soft swap... we guess we would ask you what the other male would be involved in? Giving oral sex and heavy petting?

Also, what about you? Are you expecting that the other woman would give you oral sex while your wife abstains from the other husband?

We will tell you from experience that will not go over too well.

Saying all this.. you guys have to come up with rules that work for yourselves.. you cannot and should not force your wife to do anything that she doesnt want to do... however... we want to manage your expectations that you are definately reducing the number of potential matches.

We would also like to adivse you that if you have rules such as that.. you should discuss them upfront with any of the couples you meet and would potentially be interested in.

Good Luck !
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