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Question: Inexperienced at meeting people online

Dear Lounge Advice,
me and my girlfriend joined because we're going to croatia next week and we were hoping to find another couple there for some foursome fun.
we are both very inexperienced at meeting people through the internet.
is there any advice you could give us?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Internet dating for couples is an overwhelming experience at times. Normal online matchmaking can be challenging, but multiply dating dynamics by two, and the search for compatible couples becomes even more complicated. For beginners, getting started in this journey is the first hurdle. Here are some tips to help you get the ball rolling.

Remember to read.
Although pictures can be quite fun to browse, they aren't the only aspect of the people behind the profile. What may seem like a perfect match within the photo album may not be the case. Take time to read the profile as well. Many people take the time to create a well thought-out profile. In turn, they expect that those who contact them have taken the time to read the entirety of the profile's content. Some couples are seeking very specific things, and if you haven't read the profile before contacting them, you run the risk of sounding like a fool. When a member plainly states in the profile that they are only searching single females, and a couple contacts them about the possibility of swapping, it’s quite obvious that the profile was ignored and the pictures were the only source of interest. If you do not show due respect by reading key information, your success quickly declines.

Give compliments.
One of the great things about reading others' profiles is that you can use that material to your benefit. When you make initial contact with another couple, pick something specific from the profile and comment on that. The best comment is often a compliment. For example, if you read something witty or noteworthy in the text, quote that and say something flattering. This will set up a small connection between you right away. It will also impress the object of your intrigue, placing you one step ahead of the "competition".

Be proactive, but not aggressive.
Even though you have put much time and effort into attracting people to your profile, this is no time to just sit back and expect them to come to you. There are members on the site who do nothing but wait for others to contact the, which sometimes isn't very fruitful. Two negatives don't make a positive in this case. Be proactive and initiate contact yourself!
It matters not whether the male or the female makes does the contacting. If you are a couple, you can both sit down and have a say in the e-mails you send out. Usually, it is recommended that the more outgoing of the couple initiates the contact, since the enthusiasm will show through in the letters.
If you're already a go-getter in this regard, just be careful about not coming across as an overly aggressive couple. If the other party seems hesitant or uninterested, do not continue pushing. This will only create a poor reputation for you.

Avoid mass-mailing techniques
When you initiate contact with a member, it doesn't have to be a long involved letter. Some may choose to create a standard message to send others so they don't have to type out a greeting every time they e-mail somebody. Although this is the easy way to introduce yourself to somebody, it may not be the best. Receiving a ‘canned’ message isn't very personal, and may serve to turn others off. If you received a standard letter from someone that you know everyone else gets, would you feel very special? Probably not. In order for you to get noticed, try sending a short personal letter to those you would like as your potential playmates.

Don't wait to set a date.
Once the mutual attraction is established online, take advantage of it. Extend an invitation for a date. Remember, some people may lose interest if online communication is too long and drawn out. Seize the opportunity when the interest is fresh.
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