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Question: My wife is very upset about being found out locally

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I usually don't contact or play with couples in or near our hometown because we don't want to run the risk of anyone finding out we are swingers and telling other people about it. We have kids and are involved in the community so we are very sensitive about that. You'd think most people keep these things private, but I have one good friend who has bragged to me about his swinger exploits and told me of some local couples that are swingers too. He doesn't know we are swingers since I would never discuss what we do with anyone. I'm kind of bothered by the fact that he isn't more discreet about it and it makes me wonder how many other people out there are like him?

Recently my wife and I saw a profile of a couple who had amazing bodies. They lived about 50 miles away so we figured it would be safe to open up our pictures and see if they were interested. They responded by whitelisting us, and to my wife's horror the guy was a dude at our gym that checks her out all the time and he knows some friends of ours. Now she is very stressed and paranoid that he may tell some of his buddies that also have the hots for her (one is married to a casual friend of hers) that we are swingers and he saw pictures of her naked and having sex. Worse yet she fears he might of showed these pictures to some of them. This kind of juicy gossip can spread pretty fast through a small town.

Now she wants us to drop out of the lifestyle and possibly even cancel our membership to LL. She blames me for being too liberal in sharing photos with people where we haven't seen their face first.

I'm not sure how to handle this with her since she is obviously very upset about it.

Could use some of your advice!

Thank you



Dear (Anonymous),

First, I see that you have moved all of your photos to your locked section. Good move.

It won't do you any good to run away scared from the lifestyle because of this potential threat. You just need to be prudent about how you conduct yourselves online so as not to draw attention to yourselves with the "locals".

To make her feel better about this, consider changing your username and location. There are a handful of lifestylers that use a completely different location on their profile than where they are actually based. This way, you have plausible deniability on your side.

You may also want to try keeping your faces out of your photos. Wait until you see the other couples' pictures, then offer your face photos when you are sure that you don't know them. If they dispute the fairness of 'going first', just kindly explain the situation to them and many will understand your caution.

She just needs to go about her business like nothing actually happened. To act paranoid will only exacerbate the situation. Block this couple's profile is need be so they can't see anything.

If this man causes any trouble, play stupid.
But please, do not cause this to ruin the lifestyle for you. Just be more prudent by changing your location to a place further away than you actually live and be more frugal with your photo-sharing.
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