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Question: How can I get him to include me in playtime with others?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My husband refuses to have sex with me at play parties and clubs when we are playing with other couples. He says that there is too much "candy" around and he can have me at home so why he bother at should a party/club. I have explained that I want him to have a good time, and it is exciting for me to be included as it is a new environment with new stimuli. I am NOT expecting him to spent hours on me like he does at home, but 20 or 30 minutes would be great as he spends an hour or two on the other girl(s)and I never complain or get jealous. May be even cuddle me during break time like the other couples do with one another.

How can I instill in him the importance of this being included in our playtime with others? In addition, that I still need his interaction with me even if we are not at home to help me feel like we are sharing this experience together.



Dear (Anonymous),

You have to continue being firm in your communications on this matter. If you need to, tell him that this one caveat is part of a couples' compromise.

But, you shouldn't be just a 'compromise' to him, should you? This request should be a no-brainer for anyone. If he is refusing something as simple as this, he isn't showing you much respect. This lifestyle isn't all about what he wants. It's about you both. If he is unwilling to compromise on this, making you feel as if you have to beg for his company, then perhaps he doesn't need to have additional 'candy' at all.

You need to speak up again. If he's unwilling to act as a couple in this venture, then he doesn't need to be doing it at all.

And for the readers, my response may sound like a typical female rant/reply.
However, I assure you that if a male had written in with the same complaint, the answer would be identical ;)
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