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Question: Smokers making me sick- should I tell them?

Dear Lounge Advice,

This is the Mrs. here. I am on a rant right now because of people that choose to blatantly disregard specific requests in a profile! I am allergic to cigarette smoke and say so in our profile. Even second hand smoke can cause a reaction, so I try and steer clear of smokers and the smoking section whenever possible. We recently met a couple and their profile states that they do not smoke. On our first meeting, I detected a slight odor of cigarette smoke both in the hair and on their breath. I did not think too much about it at the time because they are also 420 friendly and I thought that it could possibly be that is what I smelled. (Yes, I know there is a distinct difference in the odors), but I was giving them the benefit of the doubt. We met them again the following week, and again there was that odor, only more intense this time. I kept my distance as much as I possibly could, but still ended up having an asthma attack that night, which in turn went into bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection a couple days later. While I realize that there may have already been an underlying issue which could have caused the infection, I have also had the same reaction to being around cats, so I am fairly certain that it was the allergy.

We recently seen them again at an event, and this time, we actually seen them smoking. Now, I feel that they deceived us. I know that they read our profile because they commented on other things that are in it. Other than this ONE issue, we like the couple, however, I can not bring myself to see them again on a personal level, and hubby is in agreement with me. So, how do we go about telling them this without hurting their feelings? Do we tell them straight out, or just make ourselves unavailable whenever they want to get together?

I can not imagine saying I am into something, when I am not, just to fuck someone. It really is not that important. Others comfort and health are much more important.



Dear (Anonymous),

People don't always read the profiles dear.
If you have gone through this much trouble over their habit, my recommendation is just to tell them about your condition. Let them know that it's in your profile and you thought they were smoke-free. Just tell them kindly that you cannot be around them any longer because it is causing you serious problems.

This can all be done kindly, and I'm sure they will feel bad about it, but it needs to be done. There is no use skirting around this particular issue. They need to know that their candor, or lack thereof, can be a serious issue when it comes to others' health.

What if this happens to someone else because you didn't speak up?
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