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Question: Getting started in the LS

Dear Lounge Advice,

My friend and I are new to this, we were wondering how this works and how we get started?



Dear (Anonymous),

Here's is an article I recently wrote that is perfect for tackling your question. If you need more specifics, come on back and ask away ;)

New To Swinging: 5 Tips For Couples Dating
By Leading LifeStyle Advice Expert Robyn Scott

Hereís one analogy that you never saw on your SATís, but is a vital one to understanding your role in the lifestyle: Swinging in a relationship is like the wind to a fire. If the fire is strong, swinging will be the wind that breathes more life into your fire, making it burn brightly. If your fire is weak, that same wind will eventually extinguish the flames.
Want to try couples dating? Here are some tips to help you and your spouse handle the transition and keep your fire burning strong.

1. The lifestyle is no place for issues. The only type of issues allowed here are the Freudian types.
Couples dating isnít your everyday decision. In order to branch out and share yourselves with others, your own relationship needs to be examined before adding a new dynamic. If you are new to the swinging lifestyle and unsure of where to start, this is the time to look inside the dynamics of your relationship with your mate and determine: Do we have the essential elements needed to make an open relationship viable? This is not a time to rationalize weaknesses by saying that they arenít important or that they will hold up to any challenges swinging will offer. This is a time to be brutally honest and determine, above all else, if your relationship will be sturdy enough to handle any encumbrance that is presented when you and your partner partake in an open relationship. If you both feel that you have issues to address, work on those first. The lifestyle will always be available to you once you decide that you are ready.

2. Communicate with each other.
Your best bet is to sit down with each other and have an open dialogue about your feelings, boundaries and worries. You would be demeaning the value of your bond with your significant other if you were to venture into this lifestyle with the goal of sleeping with others above the fate of your relationship. If this is the case, you will quickly find that your misplaced priorities will eclipse the strength of your bond, therefore placing your entire foundation in peril. That is why it is best to communicate with your partner thoroughly about your rules and comfort levels before you even entertain the possibility of swinging.
It takes trust, mutual respect, and communication to be involved in our swinging. That is why it is best to communicate with your partner thoroughly about your rules and comfort levels before you even entertain the possibility of swinging.

3. Place yourselves in certain situations and try to answer hypothetical questions.
Honest role-play is a great way to determine how you will both react when presented with certain scenarios. Place yourselves in certain situations and try to answer hypothetical questions. If you are the woman, how will you feel if your mate hits on another woman at a lifestyle event? If you are the man, how would you react if another man was getting friendly with your wife, with the intention of taking things further? Would you be able to handle seeing your partner engage in things normally reserved for behind closed doors?
These questions are perhaps the toughest prerequisite to entering the swinging lifestyle. However, many successful swingers say that they are absolutely essential and must be answered honestly. If you choose not to do this before testing the waters, you and your partner may be faced with some surprising scenarios that you may not know how to handle properly.

4. Gather information about couples dating.
One of the best methods for garnering information about the lifestyle is by listening to those who are already experiencing the ride. Join a quality popular lifestyle website for a free trial and look through the swinger forums for advice and experiences. Check any available swinging advice sections, FAQís, and be sure to look at the lifestyle terms and definitions to get a grip on the lingo.
After you have gathered some information, you can decide whether youíre ready to take the plunge and hop on the swing.

5. Have fun.
Think of this as a fun new hobby. The swinging lifestyle should not be the main priority in your relationship. This is merely a fun new outlet to explore with each other. Enjoy the thrill of the hunt as a couple and remember that youíre in this together. This adventure should always be full of excitement for you both!

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