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Question: Cheating- He continues to do it, but I'm still with him.

Dear Lounge Advice,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 1/2 yrs....when we met he mentioned that being in the lifestyle had been a fantasy of his. I was totally open to this and we had our experiences we traveled to nude and lifestyle resorts and had a very nice time. We met some very interesting couples whom I am still in contact with.

He did tell me that if we were in the lifestyle he would not feel the urge to be with anyone else....well now that he had his fantasy and does not care to be in the lifestyle anymore he has started...well he was still cheating on me while in the lifestyle but now is even more....I was the only woman he had dated that was open to this experience and now he only sees me 2nights a week and never on Sunday....I'm still with him because not only am I crazy over him but he still says he loves me. He calls me less and less and yet will invite me to special occasions....so confused and all this cheating of his has made me numbed...I don't know any longer if cheating is normal, to be expected or what? I don't know what to do? I do feel used, he did tell me we were to get a place together and now he said that he could never live with anyone, that he likes his privacy....yet he says he loves me. Am I being a fool? Am I getting played? Am I being used? I just don't know anymore....Is this normal? Would you stay with someone like that? by the way....I'm a good looking 50yrs young and he is a 52yr young very fit man. I don't want to waste my time with someone whom I have no future with...Am I being blind? What do you think of all this?



Dear (Anonymous),

1)Am I being a fool?

2)Am I getting played? Am I being used?
Yes- Times two. But you are allowing it.

3)Is this normal?

4)Would you stay with someone like that?
No- I divorced the man who did this to me while we were avid swingers.

5)Am I being blind?
No. You see everything that's going on. Yet you still stick around.

6)What do you think of all this?
What I think? I think you need to take back your dignity and quit allowing yourself to be a victim. And quite frankly, you're being a big sucker. He knows you'll hang on despite what he does, so what reason does he need to change? You don't need mine or anyone else's validation to see that this in wrong. No matter what others say to you, you need to make up your own mind about how you allow others to treat you.
These are decisions you need to make for yourself. If you CHOOSE to stay around despite everything he is doing to you, then you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Doormat or dignity.
You choose.
He obviously knows what you have already chosen.
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