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Question: Change of heart- she wants to refrain from the LS now

Dear Lounge Advice,
My wife and I have been together for 22 years - married for 17 years. We have two great kids and a great relationship. She's really beautiful and loving.
A little background: We have been to Hedo 3 -- did lots of fun stuff including oral and vaginal sex in the hot tub with other couples around us. We've done the same at Mon Chalet in Denver. We had on cam sex on a swing site and she really enjoyed it -- I couldn't believe how wet she got. When we go out we hit a local strip club and have a great time.
We're very attracted to each other. Sometimes she's more 'energetic' than other times. I find that if she's reading erotic novels and that sort of thing she tends to be much more energetic and interested in sex.
The problem that she has (so she says) is that she tends to get a sort of short term addiction to the material. After a while she even starts fantasizing about some of the things in the books. She has even confessed to seriously considering acting on one of the fantasies -- a threesome involving another woman(not any woman in particular).
That scared her. That wouldn't agree with her morals and I can understand that. But now she is avoiding that sort of material and has ended the lifestyle we've been enjoying for the last 4 or 5 years.
The funny thing is that neither of us wants to really include someone else in sex. I'm a little creeped out at the idea frankly.
We still have sex fairly often and it's always good. I don't want to go further than we have in the past but I do want to get back to what we enjoyed so much.
I thought chatting on this site might be a 'safe' alternative to meeting people but she won't participate(I like to be watched). She won't let me take pictures of her for fun and to spruce up our profile etc.
I'm surprised at how important this is to me and I'm not sure why it is so important to me so I can't explain it to her.
My first step will be to cancel the subscription to this site - which bums me out. This site is really great. Once I've done that how to I get back that fun part of my wife?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You need to focus on the most important thing right now- that is your relationship with her. Like I tell many people, this lifestyle will always be here. Your relationship is not a guaranteed-permanent instution if the lifestyle remains a focus while issues at home persist.

It sounds like she just needs a hiatus from all of this. You both may need to get back to your roots and re-discover sexual fullfillment with each other without the prospect of the lifestyle looming over your heads. If she doesn't want to step back into swinging right now, respect that and just enjoy your wife. She will probably be very grateful for your committment to her feelings. This will also provide her a sense of security. Knowing that you're willing to respect her wishes, and that you're perfectly okay with just the two of you sexually, indefinitely, will go a long way in the long run.

Tell her that you'll wait as long as she needs, and when (or IF) she wants to entertain fantasies again, she can bring it up when she's ready.

Just be there for her right now. Again, this will all be here for you both when you're ready again.

Your focus should be on maintaining a healthy relationship right now.
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