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Question: Trust issues

Dear Lounge Advice,
crossing the line? I am the female partner hardly on the site
but enough to know the passwords and log in.
My partner of five Years had provoked several
situations where I go have my fun with a few people. One
was an old affair while I was married and the other
a mutual aqusintance.after discussions of me
saying no and him saying ok it'll b hot when you
come home and we fuck. So I did. Frankly I liked what
and who I came home to.
This week Mr. Starts iming with a new Single female
while in bed.I ask why and he says it is fun.
I ask for a copy of their conversation. Whoops
he accidentally deletes it.
The next day he says he has a dinner and
phone conference. And additional text .... 'i may
have a date... Lol".
I don't respond as he has only met a couple
once to have it backfire. So I am thinking
lol is a joke. how could he have a date?
Well as you can imagine when the cell and
work went unanswered for hours.... The adrenaline
kicks into high gear.
while he has allowed me several times to be
with another guy.. And I have allowed him to
be with a couple , I find fault in his deceit about
how he did this. while I truly believe single guys
are on the site to fuck. How many Bostonian
single women truly want to fuck or want a relationship?
I tend to believe the second. While we get numerous
single men requests we or I am flattered but we
deny most. Could he be jealous? I have emotional
deleted all our pictures. . Looking for advice. Do
I have the wrong guy?I cannot bear to think of
life without him. he has been great to my kids.
and up until now ... A pleasure around the world.. Your comment on dating a single not truly telling your
partner the whole truth....is this ok?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Well, I'm never an advoacate of deceit of helf-truths.
But, I am an advocate of fairness.

There are many things I can say here, but there are two simple important things that need to be advised above everything else:

1) Back away from this lifestyle for a little bit. It will still be here later. You are both having obvious issues about this, and if you stick around and continue on with this lifestyle with the current state of your relationship, it won't end well.

2) Communicate with each other, for goodness sake. Obviously, there are some trust issues between you two. If this isn't resolved, the lifestyle will make it worse.

Don't just write of this advice. It may not be what either one of you want to do, but it's necessary. I've been around long enough to see your situation many times. And I've also been around long enough to see relationships fail because neither person took it seriously enough to back away from the lifestyle and fix their foundation.

Do you want to continue to be with him?

If your answer is TRULY a yes, then get away from here and do some deep interventions.
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