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Question: Broken trust

Dear Lounge Advice,
I always had sex fantasies with my wife that included other women and men especially when we are having sex. I was the one who always thought about them but she didn't like the idea till one day she seemed responsive to it and mentioned a younger man who works as an assitant professor at the college she attended (way younger).
I advised her to learn more about him and warned her not to venture into anything before she consults with me. Few days after our discussion I felt that she was acting weird and held on to her phone more closely than usual. One day she mentioned that she is going to school early because the professor has something and she will be home early. That night she slept by my side and released a long sigh, while half asleep, which felt weird for me. The following day she acted more weird by saying she needed to grab something from the car and took her phone with her, which she never does. That night i waited for her to sleep and checked her phone, only to find NO records of phone calls or SMS's which was highly unusual of her since she never cleans this stuff. I opened her laptop and checked her email, she deleted all her college emails but missed to delete one imp email from deleted folder which stated that the Professor is not coming to school the day she said she is going early. I went online to check phone records and was shocked to see the enormous amount of SMS's and phone calls to the same number over a period of 1 month. I woke her up and confronted her with the truth, she tried to lie then collapsed by mentioning that the night she said she is going to school early, she went to see him. She mentioned that they sat in the car in the college parking, hugged, held hands, touched his dick and he touched her, kisses on the cheek but nothing more. I also discovered from her that all this period she was SMS's him, getting him food, caring about him but nothing happened. Questions: 1) do you believe nothing happened? 2) how could my fantasy turn into hers and she breaks what we agreed upon (that she will discuss everything with me before doing anything)? 3) how could you repair the relationship when she pursued what I wanted when she didn't? thank you in advance

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You both need to step away from this site and all that comes with it.

Take time to focus on repairing your relationship and trust. If you do not have trust in your relationship, you cannot be here. It will destroy you.

Perhaps you both may also consider professional counseling. This is a serious problem that cannot be fixed without open communication and ample time to mend the trust issues that she has intorduced into your lives.

Tell her that she betrayed you, despite your open-minded attitude. Had she not done this, she could have had so much more.

But now, she has to earn back your trust before either of you can ever entertain fantasies of this type.
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