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Question: I don't understand- Did I do something wrong?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are finished with the lifestyle as a couple but I would like to know what, or if I did something wrong.
My (now) ex-girlfriend and I were in the lifestyle for about 3 1/2 years. We started out very slowly and I thought we were going at a pace where I could get a sense if she was getting beyond her comfort level. We remained a soft swap couple throughout.
She turned out to be very jealous but then she refused to leave the lifestyle. In the end I had limited my play to touching other womens breasts while she did everything but intercourse with the male half (to include blowjobs-to-completion). I felt very uncomfortable because I never knew when I might violate a boundry with my GF in some new and unique way and at the same time felt stupid because the other woman probably assumed there was something wrong with me(her). It got to the point where it was mostly MFM and yet she still insisted she only did that because she knew it turned me on and she got nothing out of it. Stress took it's toll and I could no longer get an erection when playing and she said it was further proof that I no longer found her sexy.
She claims she never enjoyed a single encounter although I witnessed several where I was convinced otherwise. Still, she insisted we continue because "you are a freak and need it" Our last experience, she got angry with me because I suggested we get closer to a couple for a better look (we didn't) and 1 hour later she was the sub in a light BDSM session and rewarded the dom with a blowjob.
I no longer want to participate in the lifestyle unless I have some understanding of what I did wrong. I know you do not have nearly enough info for a specific answer, but an experienced observation and comment would help. Thanks


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

From what little you told me, it sounds like you did everything to cater to this woman. She found excuses to cover up her fun times. All the while, it seems as if she turned everything against you.

This sounds like a case of mind games and control because you allowed it.
If you ended up broken up because of this, you are far better off. Not just in the lifestyle, but in life in general.
You shouldn't leave the lifestyle because you were mind-fucked.

You experienced a bad case of female issues and need for control. Don't let this control your future actions.

The lifestyle has so much more to offer you. Try it again, sans mental baggage. There ARE normal people out there. You seem to have gotten a bad egg.

In the future, you may want to think about your own needs in addition to your partner. The lifestyle is a 50/50 street and if you approach it in any other way you are doing yourself and your partner an extreme disservice.

Above all, keep your dignity and pride. Nobody is worth giving that up.
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