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Question: Fruit Fetish

Dear Lounge Advice,

I have been masturbating with fresh fruit as of late. I find it to be totally erotic and juicy, just like a real vagina.
I particularly like to drill holes in oranges and peaches to insert my penis into.

One of these days I want to put a summer squash in my butt.

Am I weird?

Fond of Fruit



Dear (Anonymous),

Oranges and peaches? Wow, you should be more worried about the size of your "fruit" instead of your choice of fruit. At least your kumquats smell good I suppose.
You must be the type who compares your penis size to buffalo wings to make yourself look bigger. Just guessin'.

Try a pineapple next-anally. If you enjoy that, then yes, you're weird.

Let me know when you're ready for the big leagues. I have some great advice about watermelon insertion and some GREAT baking recipes for the seads.

Until then, enjoy your tossed (fruit) salad.
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