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Question: How to deal with uninhibited and risque lifestyle behaviour in public venues when it makes us feel uncomfortable.

Dear Lounge Advice,

We wanted to get your thoughts and the thoughts of other couples who might find themselves in the same position.
We are relatively new to the lifestyle and have met great couples!
These couples are great fun, interesting and a lot of laughs when we get together.
Our dilemma has to deal with “public behavior, dress attire and discretion.“
Most of the couples we have met are not afraid to be “bold” with their behavior in public.
Such as public displays of affection, fondling, kissing or hanging all over each other.
(When we say “over each other” we mean with someone else's partner.)
It’s obvious to us that these couples feel comfortable in the lifestyle and do not seem to care who sees them. We feel if that is what they are comfortable with then that is “OK”.
But, we want to keep this aspect of our lives “private”.
When we get together as a group for dinner or dancing the women’s dress attire tends to be quite bold and revealing. (In the proper atmosphere their “sexy attire” could be more greatly appreciated.)
It seems the revealing clothing is more exaggerated because of the lifestyle.
Again this is great and a lot of attention gets drawn but, the combination of the two (bold behavior & revealing clothing in public) put us in an awkward position.
Our preference is to be well mannered in public, we’re not meaning giving up any fun.
We just feel that the public display of lust for someone else's partner should be kept in private where the eyes of those not in the lifestyle can see.
We are not passing judgment it just seems that the behavior in public is similar to the behavior at clubs or at resorts like “Hedo”.
So based upon your experience and the experience of other couples, are most couples in the lifestyle not bothered by this and do they prefer this non-inhibited behavior in public?
How and when do we let another couple know, without offending them or having them feel that we are passing judgment, that we want to keep that type of behavior in private?
We’d like to hear from you and other couples if possible.
(Could you post this in the Forum section so that we can remain anonymous.)



Dear (Anonymous),

Its hard to make characterizations and label everyone as wanting the non-inhibited behavior in public... but... in our experience when you get a GROUP of lifestyle people together... sometimes it just happens... and sometimes its even infectious and draws the straight people into the act.

That is why we really prefer to go out to the Lifestyle clubs and yes we are lucky here in S Fla to have so many different ones.

What we would advise you if you are concerned about flaunting risque behavior in public is to either limit your mixing lifestyle people and public places to very small groups where you have communicated your concerns about this... or just go out and do not participate in those activities.

If someone sees you there you can always dissassociate yourselves from having been part of that crazy group.

No matter how we tried in the past it just seems that when a big group of Lifestyle folks get together... they feel more comfortable about being more risque... as it seems more acceptable.

As with most Lifestyle concerns... over communicating with those who are there or who plan to go can go a long way.

Good Luck !!!
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