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Question: Swinging phiosophies are mismatched

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have a sticky situation between the two of us, and have not been very succesful in finding any one solution.
We have very different play styles: Mr prefers the one-night-stands, and I like to have regular play partners with whom we can plan playdates. Mr absolutely hates planning to play, finds "premeditated sex" totally unappealing and prefers all play either with new people or prior acquaintances/friends/partners to be completely spontaneous. Unfortunately, he reached this realization of his preferences AFTER we'd formed friendships (with benefits) with multiple couples. Now a few of our female friends are hurt that we no longer make potential playdates with them. We have both explained that it's not them, it's him, yadda yadda yadda but of course that reassurance only goes so far.
It's made these friendships a bit awkward, but we have all managed to remain friends.
The pressing problem now is that when we do spontaneously hook up with someone new, and they want to remain in touch and become friends, how do we explain that Mr may or may not ever want to play with that Mrs again? IS there a tactful way to do this?
Or should we lay it out in advance that this is going to be a one-nighter only?

Please help!


~Mrs. Anonymous


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Here's a compromise- Let people know upfrfont that more than one playtime experience is very rare, but if they still want to be friends, that you're more than open to that.

This way, they don't expect more than one night, but they know that you're not just going to take advantage for one night and never talk to them again. This is a great situation for complete honesty without worries of hurting feelings. If yo're frank up front, and offer frienship, you give that couple a choice and let them know your stance.
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