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Question: Starving sexlife

Dear Lounge Advice,

My Wife and I have been together for 7 years, 3.5 of marrage. We started of in the lifesyle (6 years ago) slowly like everone else, me being the uncomfortable one. Now years later im the comfortable one, and she's becoming not interested. We started off very attracted, and very open to each other about our very high sexual appitite. Now she doesnt have the drive, and I am still starving for it. Lately this is starting to gain more problems with our marrage, and were the sex was 2 to 4 times a week, now its 1 time every 10 days or so without any passion. If i conceed to this sexlife, im afraid i will start to stray. Should I approch her on playing alone?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

This isn't all about you.

Think about the possible reasons this has happened. Talk to her about it. There could be a multitude of things that could possibly be wrong.

And if something IS indeed wrong that is causing her lack of drive, then you should both concentrate on that first.
You're jumping the gun by thinking about this as a long-term problem, and wanting to ask for your own playtime.

If you can't address the root of the problem, there is no use trying to 'fix' anything by finding a sexual 'patch'.

You two really need to talk and work on this together.

Let me share something with you:
My husband and I went through this too- except it was me as the sexual one and wanting it more. At one point, we went nearly eight months without making love.

It was hard as hell on me. But, I knew there was something there that needed to be fixed. Even through the heartache, and questioning my own attractiveness, we still managed to talk it through numerous times. Approaching the topic is also dificult, but necessary. We got to the root of the problem eventually (it was medical). But if we had not talked about it extensively and tried to find out what was wrong, it would have been even worse.
If I had thought only about my own sexual needs and had asked to play alone, it would have devastated him.
And, even with that drought, I did even have thoughts of straying. You have an obligation to your wife.
We also stayed away from playing with others during our sexual struggles, as should you. That will not help matters.

I know it's not easy- But if we could make it through that roadblock, you both have hope too.

Focus within.


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