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Question: She is the only one who play- She doesn't feel comfortable letting me join in

Dear Lounge Advice, my wife is the only one who plays, when we get together with couples , single men, and single women. She gets upset if i try to join in with the other woman while they are playing. i want to play, but i am not going to jeopardize my relationship over it..she says she cant handle watching me with another woman, i can understand that, but (WE) are in the lifestyle and she is getting all of the satisfaction...i do join in sometimes when she wants a dp..should i just keep being patient?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Do you feel that this is fair? You are going to cater to her every desire so she can have all of the fun, but you cannot? She wants to play, but cannot handle it when you do?


Again, do you feel this to be fair? You are afraid of jeopardizing your relationship because you would like some things to be less one-sided?


Relationships are the basis of swinging. Compromise and equality are paramount. Swinging is no different. It would be one thing if you had no problem with this arrangement, and you both agree that it's fine.

You both know that this isn't the case. And if she doesn't know this, you need to speak up. If she gets offended or upset with this, then she is not respecting your feelings, or your relationship. This is NOT all about what the woman wants. YOU have a say too. If you continue to allow this to happen, then the fault lays with you.

Speak up. If she is unwilling to indulge you some fun too, then neither one of you needs to be doing this. Fair is fair.

If you're feeling uncomfortable with the arrangment, she should be willing to compromise or refrain from play altogether.
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