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Question: Sick feeling

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are a newbie soft swap couple. Ms. enjoys the flirt and the FF play. Mr. thinks its fun to a point but when male 1/2 of other couple starts touching the Ms., Mr. gets pit in stomach and heart races. Mr. really wants to be okay with it all but "pit is stomach" keeps coming back. We communicate 100% so no issues. If pit keeps comes back each time, is it time to drop Lifestyle completely or just take a break. Better yet, what advice do you have for Mr. to eliminate the pit feeling all together?



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

This eases over time. Being newbies, we've all been there- that feeling of having our guts wrenched to see another touching the one we love.
Society and instinct have instilled a sense of 'belonging', and almost territorial trait in us when it comes to our mates. It's pretty instinctual, and dwells to some extent in all of us.

Time and conditioning can temper this feeling. It also has much to do with attitude and perspective. In time, and with anough understanding and constant communication, he will probably feel better about this.

Note: 'Probably' is the key word.

After a while of experimenting and experience in the lifestyle, many of us come to realize that this is about sex vs. making love. We make love to our life partners and have sex with various partners. Nobody can take 'ownership' of you besides him, and nobody can make love to you. You both share a bond that nobody else shouldbe able to interfere with IF you have a strong connection and strong communication skills.

He just needs continual reassurance from you that he is your number one and that play with others is just 'play'. With him, it's serious.
He should begin to realize that what you two have will always be serious and the rest is just for fun.

Don't remove yourselves from the lifestyle just yet. If this issue gets worse instead of better, then you may think about stepping back to examine another cause for this.

For now, stick around and see if time and communication helps matters.

Remember: Most newbies experience this. You're not alone. Even I went through this phase during the beginning of my relationship with my husband.
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