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Question: Mortified Parent

Dear Lounge Advice,

I have no idea what category to consider this, but I am completely freaked out about something that happened this morning. We are pretty new to the lifestyle, but we have always been adventurous in the bedroom. Since we became active on this site, we started taking pictures. Now, the pictures are suggestive but in no way out of line with what a married couple might be doing...and now my dilemma. I must have left the photo program minimized instead of closed and my 6 year old got on my computer before school this morning. I figured out that he was in the program even though those particular photos were not on the screen so I immediately closed it down. A few minutes later he asked me why I had "Poppa's penis in my mouth?" OMFG! I said that I did it with photo shop and that I was being silly, but I am mortified. I don't care that my children might someday know that their parents were sexual, but I don't want this to affect him in any way. Again, he is six and they were mostly nudes and BJ pictures, but what, if any, should my concerns be going forward. I will never be so stupid, I have removed them from the hard drive, I just don't know if their is damage control we should be ready to take on. My husband believes that we will both just burn in hell, but it is the time until that happens that I am concerned about. Any thoughts???



Dear (Anonymous),

First, I'm sure this is a lesson learned, and you story will resonate in the minds of other lifestyle parents.

Although you tried to cover up with the story of 'just joking around', you need to do some damage control. Six year olds don't quite understand this thing, obviously. Consequently, they will likely tell their classmates, especially if they think it was a joke by a parent's admission. As a teacher, I've seen this happen firsthand. Kids have brought mom's vibrators to school, reported to their classmates about Playboy mags that daddy looks at, and have told other kids about dirty websites they have found on their parent's computers.

This may be your opportunity to turn a lighthearted excuse into a more serious talk. Although I'm not advocating the sex talk at this age, I do recommend that you admit that it was wrong of mom to be silly about this sort of thing and perhaps apologize to the child about it. Also, you need to stress that what mommy and daddy do is private and should not be told to other children. You decide how you spin this to your child based on his maturity level and comprehension of the subject. Also let him know that if this sort of thing is told to classmates, he could get into big trouble for saying private things in school. Imagine how moritifed you would be if you got a phone call home from the teacher. I've had to make this phone call home to parents, and it's just as uncomfortable for the teacher as it is for you.

But I strongly feel that you need to tell your son that you were wrong and that you're sorry. You also need to set restrictions on computer use, in addition to restriction on your own computer acitity, including perhaps creating a locked parent account, and one that he is allowed to use with a simple password and username. Either that, or consider getting him a simple system of his own that he can use.
I strongly suggest making your computer off-limits from now on.

Again, lesson learned. All of us have made mistakes, and I understand. But all it takes is one mistake for us to realize how serious it is to keep our lifestyle/adult acitivities under serious lock and key when it comes to our kids. The older they get, the more we have to worry. Luckily, he is only six, so this is much easier to 'fix' than it would be if he was older.

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