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Question: Stolen LL flag

Dear Lounge Advice,

I ordered an LL flag for an upcoming meet and greet we are having this weekend.

I pulled into my neighborhood and hanging out completely in the open on my neighbors patio is an LL flag, brand new. The mail lady delivered it to the wrong address.
I know this guy isn't a part of LL.


Any ideas how I go ask for it back?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Phase One: Get into cahoots with your friends. Give them the address of the "Uber-Swinger" in your neighborhood, and point out that the Flag-is-a-Flyin. Have the bold ones knock on his door and ask where the swinger party is.

Don't let them mention that they know b/c of the flag. After all, we want him to fly the evidence as long as possible.

Phase Two" After the 'appetizer' tease, go hardcore. Concoct, or have friends make, some kind of letter related to the lifestyle. They can mail it to that address- Hell, make it a response to a swinger ad online or something obnoxious like that.

Or, how about an in-person visit:

Phase Three: Ex: "Hey, we noticed that you're flying the Lifestyle Flag! I have a very bisexual husband who would LOVE to meet you. We'd love to be over on (name the date) to experiment.

Even better, have a female friend who is bold knock on his door and ask for the lady of the house. She can explain why she is there. Perhaps then, the theiving fucker will take down the flag he stole. Then, he will still have to explain to his lady what that was all about. Payback's a bitch.

Phase Four: If that isn't up your alley, go stealth and steal it back!! Of course, there is always the 'mail fraud' route. Out of all of my suggestions, this is actually the legal one if you can prove that it's yours.
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