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Question: How to relieve anxiety of newness

Dear Lounge Advice,
I'm a Vanilla interested in easing into the lifestyle with my partner who has been in it for years. How can I relieve my anxiety? He was afraid to tell me for fear that I would run in the other direction. He was surprised to lean that I have close friends in the lifestyle who are married. He has asked me different questions to get a feel of my adventurous sexual side and has said that he does think he could go back to "ordinary sex". I am okay with this because I love him and except him. Also, because I know he loves me. I understand about building a foundation before entering the lifestyle and he is taking things at my pace. My only concern is that he said he has not been in the lifestyle since we started dating seriously, however he still checks his emails and reponds to the profiles of others. We are not listed as a couple as we are not at that level. Should I be concerned. I have taken it upon myself to get on sites and try to gather as much info as possible. I also considered gooing to a meet and greet with a girlfriend to see how I feel and not have the pressure of him watching me. This would be without telling him. Would that be considered deceitful? I read previous post and saw that you recommended the zacnzoey website for newcomers. I went there and could not fnd anything. Does it still exist?
So many questions!



Dear (Anonymous),

ZacnZoey does not exist anymore. They were the former advice couple before me.
I wouldn't be highly concerned that he is still checking e-mails, but I would recomment that you ask him to create a couple's profile and eliminate the single profile. He's probably still upholding the connections he is making in the hopes that you'll join in and take advantage of the momentum that he has built already.
I wouldn't consider it deceitful for you to go to a meet and greet, however, it would be in your interest just to tell him.
If you are both going to venture into this together, word may come back to him that someone saw you at an event. Then his trust in you may come into question. Just be honest with him and let him know why you want to go to it without him for the first time. If he loves the idea of you getting into the lifestyle with him, he'll probably be fine with this, especially since you have no intention of doing anything without him.
Otherwise, you have the right idea when you speak of laying a good foundation and setting a comfortable pace. If he loves you, he will not pressure you or make you feel awkward about any of this. Take the reigns and guide the action and pace. A good man will allow you to do this, and wait until you are comfy until proceeding father.
If you take the lead, you will feel much more at ease during the transition.
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