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Question: Drunk woman- how do we say we're uncomfy

Dear Lounge Advice,
We recently went out on a second date with a couple to a concert after our first date ended up a great match in regards to personality as well as physically. We did note that on the first date the wife was a bit of a drinker, not to say we don't enjoy a few drinks to help us relax and let our hair down, but during play she was a bit sloppy with her kissing and had balance issues, left here stumbling a few times. Passed it off as first date nerves so we didn't have a problem making the second date. Before the concert we tail gated in the parking lot, once again having a couple of drinks as well as BBQ'ing some hamburgers and eating other munchies in which she did eat. Even before we left to go into the concert we could tell she was pretty intoxicated but seemed harmless and cute at the time. Once inside as we made our way to our seats it became obvious she was worse off than we thought, ended up sitting on the ground instead of her seat. We had gotten some water and was hoping once she started to drink that it would help her sober up. While sitting we engaged in some little play, kissing mostly, as well as touching/rubbing which was subtle at first but she continued to push the fun and get more physical. My husband and I tried to keep it to a minimum and acted like we were trying to enjoy the concert adverting her attention to that or her husband. After the concert we went back to the truck and she pulled out a cup and poured herself a drink, straight tequila, saying how she didn't have to drive and wanted something to drink since had to wait for someone to come and jump start their truck. Mind you she did have to get up early to go to work and it was already 11:30pm. She even brought the cup in truck to finish it even though we were on the road.
Bottom line is we were very uncomfortable after seeing her this way on the second date and need to know how to tell them this. They already have said they can't wait to go out again but we are very hesitant to, for we don't like to play with people who can't control their alcohol and their other half seems oblivious to there being a problem. We are currently dealing with alcoholic family members so we are very sensitive to how people are when they drink. They seemed so nice and very easy to get along with that we don't want to hurt their feelings but at the same time I just can't see playing with them if this is her usual pattern, not attracted to that behavior at all. Should we talk to the husband first or both of them together and just say we don't think we are a match when it comes to hanging out? I know reading some of your other advice you always say it's best to be honest, we are here to have fun and if we are not then we need to address the problem and fix it. Just not sure how to approach them with this without insulting her or accusing her of a problem. (Sorry this is so long, I believe in details. Lol!) Thank you in advance for your consideration and advice.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Let's just further this scenario-
Say you all got down and dirty.

Here are the most likely outcomes:
1) She has very sloppy sex and the personal interaction is null and void- She's just on auto-pilot. No fun.
2) She gets 'sexual motion sickness' and.....well, you know the rest.
3) She passes out and nobody has much fun.

I wouldn't approach her with your thoughts. In fact, I wouldn't approach him with you both.

This should be a 'mano to mano' conversation- husband to husband. Guys tend not to beat around the bush like women sometimes do while trying to sugarcoat the issue. Just let her hubby know that the excess drinking is an outright turnoff. Tell him that you'd both be uncomfortable engaging in sex anyways when she's that damn intoxicated. Guys can be pretty honest without being brutal- Otherwise, you just won't get the point across. For all you know, he may be okay with her getting that drunk because he thinks that her condition guarantees her 'easiness' and his success in getting laid.

If she needs to get THAT drunk to approach the playtime anyways, there are probably some underlying issues that you may not want to place yourself in the middle of.
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