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Question: A dificult choice

Dear Lounge Advice,

My girlfriend has a situation. She discovered the lifestyle when separated from her husband. She met a man on site here about 2 yrs ago. They had explosive passionate amazing sex and in 2 months met 2times. He moved away but in that first meeting she did tell him she was separated NOT divorced.

They have been seeing each other since on and off. However since then she has moved back in with her husband for the sake of the kids. Her husband does NOT know she is a swinger and see's her swing partner (the man she met) for the past almost 2 years.

It is difficult for them as he waits for her to come see him about every 2 weeks. She lives with her husband and kids and does NOT know how to tell her husband the truth. BUT she wants to.

now her swing boy friend is pulling away and does not want to be the other man.

What do you suggest? Oh BTW the husband and her are not intimate - the sex in their relationship is not happening but could be good. She is just so confussed. HEr husband has had her have a MFM with a friend years ago so she knows he would be open. However since they were separated for a couple years she has not told him of all her encounters in the lifestyle.

The lifestyle is all about being honest and truthful and she is feeling that she has been cheeting and it is tearing up her relationship with both men.

She LOVES her lifestyle boyfriend and now feels that she has to choose him or her husband.

HELP !!!

confused Girlfriend.



Dear (Anonymous),

I can definitely see why she has been continuing the relationship with the 'other man', especially since there is no intimacy in the marriage.

She does need to choose in this situation, or the situation will essentially make the choice for her if she continues on this path. If the situation goes downhill from a lack of action, this may end up affecting the children too.

I know it's hard when it comes to matters of the heart, and it would be easier if kids weren't involved. But the hard reality of this is that kids ARE involved in this decision, and that consideration should come first. When we have kids, placing ourselves and our own needs first is often not something we can do anymore. Keep in mind that the COMPLETE truth may also end up affecting your children too. If you think about this, you'll understand what I mean.

Right now, this isn't fair to either man.

Follow your heart, but make a decision before you inadvertantly lose more than you bargained for.

Much easier said than done. I know.
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